DH family imploding *(Content warning: concerns sexual abuse)

[KellieRo]

Long story short, my SIL has told us all that her brother sexually assaulted her many yrs ago. Her parents encouraged her to hush it up as the brother had a wife and kids.
SIL has decided not to report to the police as she doesn’t want to go through the pain of a court case and cross examination due to her having MH issues. No wonder.
DH is angry he was never told, angry his parents did nothing and mostly angry with his brother. How do I best support DH and SIL through this?

I would personally stay out of it for now and just focus on your DH and kids. But if they try to keep contact with the brother then you might need to be prepared to intervene to ensure your kids are kept away from him.

All you can do is be there to listen and offer whatever support you can. Your poor SIL. This is just devastating, from every angle.

Just listen. Try not to express too strong an opinion. Try not to judge the parents either, this is for your dh & sil to call. Support them and their hurt first.

@Ozanj

I would personally stay out of it for now and just focus on your DH and kids. But if they try to keep contact with the brother then you might need to be prepared to intervene to ensure your kids are kept away from him.

We don’t have kids currently but I am 3 months pregnant. We don’t really see the brother anyway. We are just angry at the parents for brushing things under the carpet and not sticking up for my SIL at the time.

I also think you should stay out of it, just provide support to your DH.

Nice northernparent great example of why the SIL is afraid to press charges

Name change fail there OP you might want to report your last post.

Horrible situation
I’d support your DH and primarily listen
Id also let your sil know you believe her and support her and if necessary signpost her to turn to the right organisations for her to get support

@fallfallfall

Message deleted by MNHQ.

What the actual fuck?

This is one of the most depressing comments I've read on here. His SIL's 'situation' was that she'd been assaulted by her own brother. This wasn't six of one and half a dozen of the other - there's a clear victim and a clear aggressor.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Horrible situation I’d support your DH and primarily listen Id also let your sil know you believe her and support her and if necessary signpost her to turn to the right organisations for her to get support

I agree with this. All you can do is listen and support your DH and his sister - they are the most important people here.

@fallfallfall

Message deleted by MNHQ.

Bloody hell, what have I just read?? What an awful post.

It's not a silly argument: a woman has been assaulted here.

Think about what you've posted. Would you like your family to treat you like this if you were sexually assaulted?

Stay out of it completely.

Not saying it's the same, but I know an almost identical situation where the young lady later retracted completely (she'd been having a psychotic episode when she made the accusation). She and her accused (it was a cousin, not brother) get on well again now, but some of the family who had been very vocal about shunning the cousin now find themselves shunned. That's not really fair either, but these situations are horribly complicated.

Do not get involved.

I think we'd all be horrified if we were married to a man who'd done this. The parents have a duty of care towards their daughter and the DIL and Grand kids.

I'd be a sounding board for my husband. I'd offer support to SIL but mainly in a way that signposted her to services and support. I wouldn't want to know more details but I'd happily support her by letting her know I believed her.

Bloody hell, I mean I've dealt with my fair share of parents who screw up over this but I'm a bit shocked to see so many being so overt on this thread. Assuming an abuse victim isn't telling the truth on zero information? That poster needs help in a big way. Parents whilst might be caught between children also have a responsibility to deal with this , support SIL and not make this about them. Its not about the parents feelings. Good grief if I had any faith in humanity left it might have gone with this.

OP I think you should as others say be there as support for SIL, offer a hand to show support , be aware about the parents ability to risk assess in the future (when your dc is born) .....a parent who covers this up and plays silly buggers to "save feelings " or because it's soooo hard to think he could have done it will not make safe choices around your dc.

However after that I would walk the line, loud feelings usually just detract from the victim so stay supportive of sil and walk the line .