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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Being judged

6 replies

Ollylodge · 16/01/2022 22:19

I have been with my partner for 32years, I was 16 when I got with him he is 2 years older. I have never really had an early adult life as my partner had done all that, going to pubs, partying etc as I wasn't allowed until I was 18 by my parents. So when I did get to the age to do all the party stuff going out having a good time, my partner never did and was really jealous so I gave up my young adult life. I had a child and then a second child 10 years later. I have always found it very difficult to express my emotions and just plodded on for all the years. But now that I'm alot older Im no longer in love with my partner we have just done our time. I have plucked up the courage to tell him how I feel at first he didn't take it well, it's not that I'm looking for any kind of relationship what so ever, I'm really not interested. He has always suffered with ibd really bad and now been diagnosed with lung cancer, I have said I will not leave I will be here for him for all medical appointments and of course I have a 14 year old and there is no way I could take him away from his dad not that I want too. But I feel with his illness I just don't want to be here, I also work and do everything I can around the house, I feel I need some space and when I do I feel so guilty if I'm out enjoying myself. I really don't want people to judge me I just an struggling how to handle things.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 16/01/2022 22:33

No judgement here. Just very sorry for your situation.

I hope you find the way forward.

Flowers
TracyMosby · 16/01/2022 22:38

Why by 20 had he lived his youth? Thats madness. He sounds controlling.
You don't need to stay.
But if you do, you dont need to just stay in all the time. Start a hobby. Make friends. Go out.

Delawaregirl · 16/01/2022 23:27

No judgement here. What a horrible situation. If you can't bring yourself to leave ( perfectly understandable) you need to really focus on your own wellbeing. Support networks activity, etc to really look after yourself so that you have a quality of life. Your needs are just as important.
Counselling could help with the guilt if you cannot accept you have every right to happiness and a break from worrying.

StopStartStop · 16/01/2022 23:32

Yes to gently building a life of your own. I am sorry your situation is so difficult.

Ollylodge · 17/01/2022 15:10

Thank you to you all very comforting, yes I'm going to start up a hobby and I'm also going to get some friends it will be hard to start with

OP posts:
5128gap · 17/01/2022 15:31

If you're going to stay with him, and I understand in the circumstances why you are, you absolutely need to have a life for yourself too. There's nothing to feel guilty about as you are doing a hugely compassionate thing in staying with him. If he's decent he wouldn't want you to miss out on life, and if he does, frankly thats very selfish of him, and I'd be inclined to think, too bad. Develop your existing friendships, do all you can to make new ones and enjoy yourself. It will give you the strength to carry on supporting your husband.

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