I have been with my partner for 32years, I was 16 when I got with him he is 2 years older. I have never really had an early adult life as my partner had done all that, going to pubs, partying etc as I wasn't allowed until I was 18 by my parents. So when I did get to the age to do all the party stuff going out having a good time, my partner never did and was really jealous so I gave up my young adult life. I had a child and then a second child 10 years later. I have always found it very difficult to express my emotions and just plodded on for all the years. But now that I'm alot older Im no longer in love with my partner we have just done our time. I have plucked up the courage to tell him how I feel at first he didn't take it well, it's not that I'm looking for any kind of relationship what so ever, I'm really not interested. He has always suffered with ibd really bad and now been diagnosed with lung cancer, I have said I will not leave I will be here for him for all medical appointments and of course I have a 14 year old and there is no way I could take him away from his dad not that I want too. But I feel with his illness I just don't want to be here, I also work and do everything I can around the house, I feel I need some space and when I do I feel so guilty if I'm out enjoying myself. I really don't want people to judge me I just an struggling how to handle things.