DH and I have pretty much hit the skids. We have been seeing a counsellor but it hasn't really changed the fact that he isn't able to love me in the way I need to be loved. It's a long story but basically, I think we might be done.
I've been weighing up my options and they are limited due to circumstance but I had pretty much settled on returning closer to home (we are about 200 miles away) as although it would be an upheaval for DC, they would settle better knowing we were close to my parents and I would have a bit more support. Trouble is, my parents are massive narcs and are the reason we are 200 miles away!!
They have been behaving well recently and I honestly thought that lockdown had brought a change in them. We had a lovely Xmas together and I've been seriously considering letting them back in, despite being LC for a long time before lockdown.
However.... today has reminded me why I can't have them in my life. My mother today showed herself up, screaming in a restaurant, basically throwing a toddler tantrum because she couldn't get her own way. I literally didn't say a word (as I know it makes her worse) and she shouted in my face in front of my children and said basically it was fault and that I thought I was above her blah blah blah all the usual shit! My brother, who wasn't in the pub at the time but his wife was, then comes in and assumes 'I set her off' and shouts at me a bit more. He is basically a male version of my mum and always has been. Its only when he wife steps in and says actually she hasn't down fuck all that he backed off.
I was absolutely mortified but so, so angry at myself for letting them back in. So angry for thinking I could rely on them when I'm literally at my lowest.
Tomorrow I'm going to have to sit down and go back to the drawing board in terms of planning for the future.
I'm absolutely on my own, as usual!