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Original poster

Don't enjoy weekends as much as the weekdays as I have to spend more time with H

40 replies

pompomsgalore · 16/01/2022 11:41

We've been married for 4 years and together for 8. Two young children and I'm a SAHM which I love. H works form home.

My issue is that weekends are not as enjoyable as the weekdays. I prefer being in my routine just me and the kids and a couple of playgroup meetings.

When the weekend comes and H gets added in the mix I feel stressed and irritated by him. I like the idea of nice family time but the reality doesn't match up.

Is there anyone else out there like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

pompomsgalore · 16/01/2022 20:17

@MoreThanNotion thanks for the reply. I completely understand the weight of being the instigator. It's quite draining and I resent it. But if we don't have plans we will definitely end up arguing.

I've said he needs to make plans at least once a month for him to see friends. Either with or without us, I don't care which but I want him taking some responsibility for seeing his friends either as mates doing activities or with the respective families in tow.

I try and do all my house work in the week to earn the weekend off. Sounds like you do the opposite.

OP posts:

freeatlast2021 · 16/01/2022 21:31

I started feeling like this some ten years ago. It felt like my husband, at the time, was always pulling in the opposite direction, wanting to do go to different places, not wanting to do certain things, also he was always grumpy and I felt like I was walking on eggshells just to keep things on a brighter side. This was draining my energy. I started doing things alone with the kids, more and more. One day I realized that my life would indeed be much nicer if he was not around and I called it quits. I feel like, once you start not wanting to spend time with your partner it only gets worse over the years. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear but...

felulageller · 17/01/2022 08:55

Then do it every weekend.

Whitepillows · 17/01/2022 08:59

@MoreThanNotion I really empathised with your post, especially my husband isn’t good at thinking of places to visit and if he takes the children out, he is usually back within the hour.

It does mean it falls on me and I do get tired and want down time as well.

kittykat33 · 17/01/2022 09:04

Yes I think it would be really beneficial for you all if he takes them to do an activity on a weekend morning or afternoon. He can spend quality time with him children and you get a bit of a break without any demands on your time.

Can you plan your weekend time. Even if it's a couple of activities mixed in with some home time and then it'll feel more structured. Plan what meals you'll have and make sure you have all the stuff. Make it a bit more luxury than week day.

DH and I always eat with DS on a weeknight as it's the only 'family time' we get on a working day. On a Saturday night we always let DS have fish cakes & chips (his fav) and we have something nice once he goes to bed. Steaks or ribs or something non toddler friendly and it's a nice thing to look forward too.

hivemindneeded · 17/01/2022 10:40

Anyone who has a husband who 'isn't good at thinking of places to visit, and is back within an hour' needs to have a lazy bath then get out of the house five mins before he and DC return. Come home three hours later.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2022 10:50

I never do that.

What if I like it too much?!

Erm, you'll be a perfect normal loving @pompomsgalore mother who is also a person. I'm a SAHP to three kids (one of them is in school). I love DH, he pulls more than his weight, I'm in countdown to a weekend away next month with my friends. I have free drinks vouchers I refuse to use when I have the kids with me so i need to go to a Starbucks alone, I'm going on holiday July alone for three nights. Do you think I'm a terrible person? A bad Mom? Do you think I love my kids less than you love yours?

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2022 10:53

I've said he needs to make plans at least once a month for him to see friends you need to do the same

I try and do all my house work in the week to earn the weekend off. you don't need to earn the weekend. You both work in the week, you both deserve to chill at the weekend but also he should also have to do some of the house duties too

Original poster

pompomsgalore · 17/01/2022 11:01

@SleepingStandingUp

I've said he needs to make plans at least once a month for him to see friends you need to do the same

I sound like a woman in chains don't I! It's not like that at all. What I mean is I don't want to have to do any housework on the weekends at all but I still want a clean and tidy house. Our house is tiny so easy to keep on top of.

As for plans I always see other parents at groups and I arrange to see my friends too. This gets thrown into arguments sometimes as he says he has no time to see his friends yet he never arranges things. I encourage him to go out, see friends, stay over night, do sports, whatever he wants but nothing gets arranged.

I'd just like some time to myself and with him working from home now hat doesn't happen. To get time alone in the home I have to go to bed early or have a bath. It's a bit claustrophobic.

OP posts:

Original poster

pompomsgalore · 17/01/2022 11:03

@SleepingStandingUp

I never do that.

What if I like it too much?!

Erm, you'll be a perfect normal loving @pompomsgalore mother who is also a person. I'm a SAHP to three kids (one of them is in school). I love DH, he pulls more than his weight, I'm in countdown to a weekend away next month with my friends. I have free drinks vouchers I refuse to use when I have the kids with me so i need to go to a Starbucks alone, I'm going on holiday July alone for three nights. Do you think I'm a terrible person? A bad Mom? Do you think I love my kids less than you love yours?

There's no judgement in my comment. Just a statement that I don't get away without the kids. I've been breastfeeding for three years but now I feel there is more opportunity to do things without my breasts getting in the way as the baby is older.

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SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2022 11:04

I get the claustrophobia, I have two year old twins 😂 but you also said earlier you don't go out alone re what if you like it too much. Hence my post before the one you replied to

Glowtastic · 17/01/2022 11:21

It's very hard when you're different in terms of planning and routines. When mine were little DH had no issue spending time with DC and playing with them but there was no organisation. He'd never heard of a bedtime routine and I used to have to beg him to get them bathed and bed before 8pm. After a full on day the evenings were sacred and I wanted the kids off to bed so we could relax. He just didn't get it and to be honest getting the kids to bed has been an issue between us since they were born. Even now with DS 12 is me who's nagging from 9pm about him getting himself sorted for bed as DH just can't grasp about early bedtimes and an evening/morning routine.
I'm a planner and empty diaries give me anxiety. However DH isn't, he then complains he never gets to do what he wants as the calendar is booked up. But he never arranges anything! I have recognised I probably over plan though to be fair

I also book plenty in on holidays, have one "activity" day alternated by a chill day. Otherwise we'll end up slopping about all day doing nothing as he just has no initiative to get the DC's up and out the door. I think maybe you need to compromise but he needs to take the kids out for at least a couple of hours and give you some time to yourself.

Original poster

pompomsgalore · 17/01/2022 18:00

@Glowtastic the bedtime routine thing would drive me mad!

The consensus is: H needs to take the kids out for a time each weekend.

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 17/01/2022 18:46

I feel a bit bad asking him to go out for a bit when he's worked all week and needs some down time too.

You feel bad for asking him to parent his own children?
He barely sees them all week - he should want to be having daddy-time with them!

Original poster

pompomsgalore · 17/01/2022 19:05

@ChargingBuck

I feel a bit bad asking him to go out for a bit when he's worked all week and needs some down time too.

You feel bad for asking him to parent his own children?
He barely sees them all week - he should want to be having daddy-time with them!

More the 'going out' aspect really. He already gets up with them every morning so I get extra time in bed after being up in the night. And last night he was up with the toddler numerous times whilst I had the baby. He also does baths and bedtime with me everyday.

It's never been about him not pulling his weight. More about me wanting time home alone and generally preferring the week days in my life.

OP posts:

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