Husband problems

[Emma30graham]

Hi all, my husband of 7 years (together for 11 years) is not into sex at all.
This has been a long standing problem since around 6 months into our relationship. We do have two beautiful children together but I would say the process of trying was me forcing my husband to have sex and to try.
At first this made me extremely self conscious and wondered what was a matter with me. I would pursue it first, to many a time be knocked back by him hence the belief I wasn’t attractive and he wasn’t into me.
He is a good father , and I do believe he loves me as the mother of his children but not in love with me.
I don’t believe he’s ever had an affair or is having an affair.
After the birth of my second child (15 months ago) we haven’t had sex since a year ago (when lo was 6 months old).
I have become a woman who liked sex and wanted sex often to it being non existent.

My husband isn’t social , he would rather stay at home watching a movie and never comes out with me and my friends with their partners.

He does have depression and has been on antidepressants since he was young. Early on in our relationship he said the medication kills his sex drive.

I am a kind , caring person who loves dearly. I feel trapped and unloved.

I wanted to reach out and ask is any one else in a sexless/loveless marriage and can you be happy long term, if this is the marriage you have.

What are you getting out of this relationship?. Your kind and caring nature is being used by him and your own self here to keep you within this terribly dysfunctional relationship. Why are his needs seemingly more important than your own here?. Don’t do this to yourself.

Do you really think he is a good father to his children?. He’s certainly not a good husband to you and his excuse re the medication killing his sex drive is just that. He’s not interested in seemingly anything, he’s not social and does not care for your distress in this relationship. All he cares about really here is him and his selfish based needs. It sounds like he has a serious Madonna/whore complex, was he raised with very religious parents too?.

He not having an affair should not be seen as some form of consolation to you.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here? Do not stay in such a marriage for the sake of the children. They won’t thank you for doing that to them and they will pick up on all the vibes here, both spoken and unspoken between you two. Staying with him will just cause you to become more resentful and bitter.

I am in a sexless marriage. It has become sexless due to him not being able to come. I got fed up with bouncing up and down for nothing he was told to try Viagra but didn’t, shows how much he cares.
I am currently waiting for no fault divorce in April.
Please dont waste your ‘sexy’ years on him. And definitely don’t stay for the kids.

And my DH is on antidepressants long term too.

It doesn't sound much of a life, OP.

Life should be lived not endured.

Is he doing anything to help his depression? Does he see someone? Get regular exercise? Eat well? Because if he's in a permanent state of apathy, I'd be running for the hills.

If this started 6 months into your relationship and you two still married after 4 years, I doubt it's got anything to do with him not loving you?

WorraLiberty is right.

You knew what you got yourself into.
I guess you wanter marriage and kids, so chose to ignore that you don’t like who he is.

I don’t know why other posters are blaming him for everything.

People also don’t seem to understand much about mental health.

But anyway, if you don’t like it, leave.
But it’s not fair so aggressively to blame him for all of it.
His living his life like he sees best, it’s no one else’s business to tell him he’s doing it wrong.
Going out there doing what you don’t want to, just because it’s how ’everybody does it’ would be horrible and life wasted.

@WorraLiberty

If this started 6 months into your relationship and you two still married after 4 years, I doubt it's got anything to do with him not loving you?

Agree with this. Your husband isn't entirely to blame here. Six months is not long in a relationship, if there are already sexual problems in such a short time then most people cut their losses and run. Things really aren't going to change so you need to face up to facts and start down the road to separating.