Maybe I want a baby after all?! Please help

[FeelingConfusedd]

I’ve just turned 33 and for the first time I am dealing with thoughts that MAYBE I do want a baby after all.

It’s only been triggered by a few school friends recently announcing their pregnancies and some of my older friends who didn’t want kids suddenly changing their minds and having babies last minute (this has really spooked me).

I’m in a long term relationship with someone who is happy to not have kids so if my urge develops that’s likely to be an issue and this is why it’s playing on my mind more.

Am I just scared of having regrets or missing out? Will my feelings die down after the announcements stop?

I am hoping someone out there has been in a similar situation or had a similar experience and is up for a chat!

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear your labour and the months to follow have been more difficult then expected. Knowing my partner is not keen to have kids (and I wouldn’t have a baby with someone who isn’t on board) coupled with a biological clock being a real thing is certainly making me think harder, but on the other hand, I know that I would struggle with the reality of motherhood.

Are you sure it’s not just because your friends are doing it so to speak?! Are your reasons for wanting a child strong enough to pursue it? I’ve had many friends who have had babies and yes I’ve felt odd moments but I didn’t have a baby and have no regrets! My situation is slightly different as I have a stepson but do take your time in this decision xx

I know exactly how you feel OP. I'm a similar age and although I don't think I do want a baby, pregnancy announcements do make me think maybe I'm missing out. Not sure what the answer is, but I suspect for me it's not wanting to be left behind rather than wanting a baby.

It could just be a case of questionning 'if those people used to feel the same as me and have changed their mind, should I change my mind'? Would you be thinking this way if none of your friends were having babies?

Maybe talk to your DP - be honest about how you're feeling. Your feelings are perfectly understandable and you should be able to discuss them with him. If you feel that might muddy the water, then maybe agree with yourself to sit on it for x months, and if you still have that feeling then you'll have some decisions to make. But it may have gone again.

I had the same experience, and at 33 as well! My best friend had a baby, and I found myself actively envious and heartbroken. It really shook me up, and I didn't know if I was coming or going for a very long time. It really felt like the whole world was either pregnant or trying to be, or had a baby already. In hindsight, that wasn't true, but babies were all I could think about for weeks on end. How much was hormones, and how much was societal expectation and not wanting to be left behind, I'll never know

Very long story short, I'm 42 now and I didn't have a baby, and I'm grateful for that on a weekly basis. I always knew deep down that the relentlessness of parenthood was not for me, and yet there was a part of me that wanted it very badly indeed. I still have some mixed feelings about the whole thing but have made my peace with it. My advice - sit tight. Spend more time (if you can) with people who don't have children, I still find this extremely soothing and validating. Think long and hard about how your life would change if you became a parent and be realistic - no rose tinted specs. Remind yourself that feeling ambivalent about children is a very normal and common experience. Good luck, it's a tough situation

I felt like that around the same age. The desire to be pregnant became like a demand. But I realised I wanted to be pregnant and then I wanted the child to be an adult. I didn't want all the tough stuff in between.
I did some respite fostering and that gave me hands on experience of the reality of parenting and then I knew it wasn't for me.
I still battled it for a while. It was hard.

Thank you for responding everyone. It has been so helpful. I can relate to all of your comments. It’s been very reassuring. Just what I needed.

I always knew that I wanted a 'family' but in my early 30s and being in a marriage that was slowly falling apart made me realise that what I meant by family was having a child/children.

What followed afterwards were several years of dating and 'situanshps' which further made me sure that I wanted a child/children rather than a relationship (at any cost). To me relationships were fickle/unpredictable and men come and go.

I guess I wanted a legacy of a sort? I wanted to nurture and develop. A change in priorities/a different adventure altogether than the ones I've experienced before. I was bored with planning holidays/going out/new jobs..all of these could be done with a child in toe too...I wanted a new/important/life long direction. I also wanted to experience parenting. I was bored with the way things were, it felt like an extension of my 20s.

To cut a long story short, aged 39 and by this point emotionally bankrupt from dating etc. I did IVF with a sperm donor. I was extremely lucky in that I conceived on my first go (fresh cycle) and also have several embryos in the freezer. Pregnancy went well as did the birth, both textbook and straightforward. My baby boy is here and he is lovely. I'm alone in doing this (family not living nearby). No regrets. Certainly more rewarding than what I was doing this time last year (trying to date, again). I guess it depends on the strength of your relationship too, would you be happy if it were just you too in 10/20 years' time?

You still have time, but I've found that if something came along and took that choice away from you, how would you feel?