50/50

[Losingmyeverything]

Posting for a friend

Her ex has always had shared care but now the child is older - Where does she stand now her 9 year old is refusing to go to her former husbands home for his half of the week? She makes her daughter available to be collected but each time she refuses to go. He has said he will take her to court but not sure what else she could be expected to do.

9 is possibly too young to have such a say...
At 12 my ds went nc with his df.. No action taken despite a court order in place.

I’m thinking that just not sure what she could physically do if they refuse to go?

At 9 they are still expected to be encouraged to go

Why doesn’t she want to go?

Would she go if she didn't have to stay over? Depends on distances involved, but at 10 my DD decided she was happier spending every night at home with me (and probably the comforts of her own stuff), but happy to see her dad 3 evenings a week and one day at the weekend. She'll sometimes stay over during school holidays if they have something planned. She's just more of a homebird. We'll always be guided by what our daughter wants, not what we want (and we can't stand each other, so it's not like we have a wonderfully amicable co-parenting arrangement).

As far as I know everything is packed for her to go by the front door and she just says ‘no i’m not going’ and refuses to go out of the house. Her mom encourages her but she just wont go.

Let him take her to court.
Your friend is right about it not being possible to drag her into his car kicking and screaming.
Personally I'd be talking to ex about changing the routine. For example if he picks her up from school it might be easier for her because she can't stay at school.

Thanks

Actually a judge told me I would be expected to place a dc in exh's car... Luckily he got nc...

That’s bonkers.

Court will listen to a child's wishes from the age of 8. I think the general rule of thumb is once they go up to secondary school it is much hard to 'make' a child go to contact

I would ask. School for some Elsa support to maybe try to get to the bottom of things if mum can't. And echo others suggestion. Going for the day no over nights

I think this is the likely out come for my kids as blow up bed and sofas don't really cut it once you get to a certain age

I never wanted to stay at my dad’s, I wanted to go home to my own bed.
I feel sorry for any child that is made to go.

It seems there is something missing here though op. Why doesn't she want to go ? I have a 9 yesr old who doesn't always want to go to school. Obviously I want to respect his feelings and emotions but he has to go and he knows wr don't just say OK to that.

This doesn't seem to make sense ad question without knowing why she doesn't want to go.

From what I gather there are often conversation at her other parents about my friend in front of the daughter and she doesnt want to keep hearing it. My friend has asked for them to stop doing it but it continues and this is the result.

I think she needs to get to the bottom of the why

Does dad shout
Does dad not take her to activities
Does she worry about mum
Does she think mum misses her etc
Are there half siblings or dad have a girlfriend etc

I don’t believe it’s ok to just say she doesn’t want to go and that’s that
There has to be a reason and mum ( and dad) need to get to the bottom of if

Mine stop 50/50, week on week off.
One wants to stop full-time, one likes the current arrangement.
I just send them back to their mum despite the protest.