I'm in a toxic relationship and I need to leave.

[tealyoga]

8 years in, 2 DC. He's just so angry. Always try to protect the DC and stayed 'for them' but I don't think it's doing them any favours. So many red flags and abusive moments over the years. We've just had an argument with DC in the car over the most stupid fucking thing.

He sometimes apologises but I've noticed this getting less and less lately. He's now claiming he wasn't even angry (wtf?) so I asked him why he chose to act like that in front of the DC and he claims he was defending himself (again, wtf?). The argument started because I said 'ooh' as he got a bit close to a car. I literally made an involuntary noise (and apologised afterwards) and he went off on one.

The irony is I won't drive with him in the car as he gets too angry with my driving. Now he's pretending nothing has happened. I'm sure later he will be all over me with a 'genuine' apology but I'm just fucking done.

You need to leave

he sounds the same as my partner. gets angry and flips over nothing. screams at me and the kids a lot of the time will act like nothing has happened after or it is everyone else's fault that has caused him to act that way. if you can leave then you should.

Leave 'for' the kids. Otherwise they will think this shit is normal and end up in abusive relationships themselves. Also, trauma like this in childhood can do all manner of damage to growing minds. Personality disorders and cptsd are commonly formed as a result of witnessing parents being abused. Do right by them and lead by example in leaving anyone who mistreats you.

Life is too short to waste with bullies anyway.

Yip, my DH was the exact same. Each of us grew up with at least 1 unreasonably angry parent and witnessed terrible ongoing rows at home. But he could not/would not rein it in even in front of our baby daughter, that was one of the main factors making me wise up that he wasn’t going to change and it was doing nobody any favours. A lot of the worst rows happened in the car. He too would criticise my driving but blow his top if I made an involuntary exclamation like "watch!" if he was driving erratically. Definitely best for kids not to see the normalisation of one parent regularly shouting at and verbally abusing the other. Break the cycle! I found books such as The Verbally Abusive Relationship and The Emotionally Destructive Marriage v useful... also Women's Aid after one nasty piece of emotional abuse when I was pregnant. Educate yourself on the abuse cycle. But yes, leave! Good luck!

Leave - easy to say but the best thing for the kids and your own well being. I have been in the similar situation for 20 years (mad how the time past) and I realise now I glossed over all the toxic ways of my husband to create a warm loving environment for the kids. As soon as they got older and had a voice the toxicity leaked onto them so a massive wedge was created between me and my ex as they were 1st priority. I cannot describe how exhausting it became keeping the peace and trying to second guess any unfolding drama so I could nip it in the bud fast before he became toxic. I endured weekly silent treatment until he decided he fancied speaking to me again which was degrading and hurtful but over the years I just become relieved he was talking to me again as peace prevailed 🙄
Things came to a head last summer and I had to end the relationship as it always felt I had to choose between him and the kids - not how a normal family life should be.
You need to leave as the last post said to show the kids it’s not a normal way to be - my kids are old enough now and generally ask me why the hell I put up with it!
It’s been hard and emotional but I genuinely feel it was the deco I ever made. The toxicity hasn’t stopped but I don’t need to go home to it anymore and me and kids are so happy it’s a relief.
Do what is best for you but also what is best as a mum xxx