Housework

[MeMe123123]

Advice please!!
Issues over housework….
So, I have recently gone back to work full time. My OH has recently quit his job.
The argument is that he sits around all day, picks the kids up from school but that’s it.
I get up, get the kids dressed, dropped off and then go to work for 8 hrs. Come home and he thinks we should do the housework “together”. He then sits there and lets me do most of it.
Am I wrong to be annoyed about this?
How do I move forward? Do I do the housework myself, go on strike and live in a mess or do some?

Go on strike. Is he spending every waking minute looking for a new job and attending interviews? No, he is not. I can guarantee it. I wfh full time, and in my breaks I prepare the meals, fold the laundry, vacuum, tidy up, wipe condensation of windows.

He has plenty of time to do housework.

That's shocking! As the SAHP he should be doing most of the housework, espeically as the children are at school.

How can he explain why you should work all day while he sits around doing nothing?

Does he think that's what you did when you were SAHP and he was working?

It's easy to have a fair split of jobs is you ensure you both get the same 'down time'. So if you work 8 hours a day (including travel, minus lunch break) then he should expect to be doing something for 8 hours a day. If he's home without children then he may struggle to find enough work for 8 hours, but at the very least you shouldn't be coming home to housework needing doing. If he's getting some down time during the day, then you can expect more downtime than him in the evening.

Surely he understands that? He can't seriously think he's entitled to sit doing nothing, then split the housework in the evenings? That makes no sense.

Make him a chores list.. i did.. worked a treat.. men need direction

@Munchkinpumpkin

Make him a chores list.. i did.. worked a treat.. men need direction

This attitude is why they need direction.

No one taught me what to do, I worked it out. I had no expectation that as an adult I’d be managed and parented.

Societally we should give equal respect to men and women that they are capable of “seeing” domestic tasks. It’s not worthless women’s work which men don’t need to bother to learn.

@MeMe123123

Advice please!! Issues over housework…. So, I have recently gone back to work full time. My OH has recently quit his job. The argument is that he sits around all day, picks the kids up from school but that’s it. I get up, get the kids dressed, dropped off and then go to work for 8 hrs. Come home and he thinks we should do the housework “together”. He then sits there and lets me do most of it. Am I wrong to be annoyed about this? How do I move forward? Do I do the housework myself, go on strike and live in a mess or do some?

Have you had a serious conversation about it?

Perhaps there is a mental health element as well, the role loss of losing his work and the impact of having nothing to do. My sister-in-law lived with us over lockdown and usually works 50 hours per week. Once she’d got into watching tv, etc. to pass the time, she found it a real challenge to motivate herself to do any minor task.

Hopefully you can have a really productive conversation and empathise with each other. I really hope you get the support you need from him as I can’t imagine how frustrating the current situation is!

My apologies to @Munchkinpumpkin as well — my post doesn’t read very kindly. It was not an attack on you, just the patriarchy 😂

I’m pleased you found something that worked for your relationship.

So ask him why he think it’s ok for you to work full time, sort the kids and ‘share’ the housework when you get in?

In what world is that fair? Why should you run yourself into the ground whilst he sits and does nothing? He’s a lazy arse. Why did he quit his job?

@RamonaLark

My apologies to *@Munchkinpumpkin* as well — my post doesn’t read very kindly. It was not an attack on you, just the patriarchy 😂

I’m pleased you found something that worked for your relationship.

Oh i dont know im not really down with these views .. my OH is totally amazing and can do things i would never have the first clue, but sometimes he doesnt notice the kitchen floor needs cleaning.. i do believe men and women are wired differently.. i mean look at the world.. the roads, the houses, the streets.. it has been built by men not women.. so if my amazing man works better in some way then i will make the most of him by telling him exactly what i want and need in the home

Is he looking for work. He should be doing the food shopping and cooking while he is unemployed.

Men never cease to amaze me. If it were newborns or babies at home all day? OK. Kids are school. He's got ample time.

NO!! The housework IS his job. Good grief. What a lazy entitled man. You can bet your ass that if the roles were reversed be the first one to complain about having no clean pants.

Why did he quit his job without another one lined up? Is he actively searching for another one? Don't let him claim he's going to now be a SAHP as a get out card. No it's not reasonable at all to wait for you to get home then you end up doing it all anyway.

He is a lazy arse and he is mugging you off. Men like this really believe that women should service them in every way - they rarely change because they are dyed in the wool misogynists and they don't care how tired you are - you are the servant in their minds.

Absolutely outrageous. You should be coming home to a spotless house and dinner on the table. I'm fuming on your behalf

What was the arrangement when he worked and you were at home? Simply reverse it.