Ex trying to get in touch

[justwhy22]

I woke up this morning with a facebook message request from an account I don't recognise. Its my ex, we broke up 4 years ago, or should I say, he dumped me and then went off with the OW.

It was a very difficult time for me and he knows it. I cried, I got angry, I got sad, I didn't understand how he would just 'fall out of love' for no reason.

I was completely in love with him to the point where I haven't had a relationship since. But I've been at the acceptance point for a while now and recognise there would be no going back.

At the time, he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me and was happy swanning off with the new woman. I blocked him everywhere and that was it.

A couple of years ago, he had made a new account and tried to add me on facebook. I denied the request and blocked the account.

Now he has managed to get through on this other account. He says

'Hi x, I wanted to reach out and say hello. I was thinking of you and I wanted to say I hope you are ok'

and that is it.

My question is why do they do this? Is it to clear their consciene???

For the record we are both mid thirties. No kids.

@justwhy22

Hi - don't worry I don't intend to reply, ever. He clearly isn't sorry for the way he treated me.

My question is WHY do they do this?? After everything they've done?

They do this,because the relationship with OW has not worked out.Please dont reply,just block him.dont waste time to ponder why he has contacted you.most likely,because he thinks you are the easiest "prey" to quickly have a shag.

@justwhy22

I did have a thought - by blocking him does this not look like I might actually still be hurting? As opposed to Indifferent?

If you were actually indifferent (which you should be), you wouldn’t care how it looked or what he thought. Just block him and move on.

Interesting. Now if you had reached out to him, and he just ignored you. What would you have thought? How would that make you feel?

If he didn't reply immediately or very soon after my message I'd have probably forgotten about it. I'd most likely have found an ego boost elsewhere. I wanted to feel validated.. still desired, maybe. And at the time I was needing it.. I have previously messaged an ex and he replied a week later, by that point I was no longer feeling the need to interact. So didn't reply even though I'd been the one to initiate the conversation.

I sound so very horrible but I hope by being honest it sheds some light on how he might be thinking. But who knows.

You did the right thing.
You blocking him means "Fuck off" which is the right response for someone who is looking for sex because he's bored with his current life.

I agree .. ignore and block
But there is a tiny part of me that would want to reply

"Oh hi , I'm fabulous thank you , having a great life , what WERE we thinking of back then , not even slightly compatible and sexually frustrated all that time , thank goodness we ended when we did , hope you are now happy too ! Take care "

Because in his head you’re frozen in time as the in love, desperate for his love, woman he left.
He’s either
bored and wants a shag
the OW has done to him what he did to you
he’s feeling uncomfortable deep down with his behaviour so he’s rationalising it as ‘I’ll just check in on Just, poor soul, what a nice man I am’
Any way, it’s all about him and what suits him. Not you.

And the most devastating response is indifference. Don’t overthink it, you’re in danger of that. Why do you care how he perceives your response? If you’d block and not reply to a random bloke, block and don’t reply. If you’d say ‘Fine thanks’ and just leave it, not blocking but not adding as friend, do that. If he messages again, then you say you’ve moved on, you hope he can too and block him.

Well, I’m going to give a potential other perspective. I had a boyfriend throughout my teens, 4 years, 14 to 18. Dud everything together, went every where together. Broke up with him when I went away to Uni. I’d been losing interest before going so was right thing to do. Four years later (and a failed relationship that left me a single mother) I was back living at home, was thinking of him and rang him just to say hello. He popped around the next day and we started seeing each other for another few years. He’d gotten a DUI, I was already getting concerned about his drinking and it coincided with my aunt having lots of issues with my uncle’s drinking, causing him to lose his job and his health deteriorating. I felt it was something I wanted to avoid, was causing me to get the ick, so I broke up with him again. Shortly thereafter I met my now husband (married 30 years)

I have tried in the past to get in touch with him to see how he is. I have no desire to sleep with him or get back together with him. We were good friend not just boyfriend/girlfriend. So many of my growing up years are tied up with him. His mother was so lively to me, taught me how to cook and some things are my children’s favourites. I think of her often. I liked by boyfriend as a person and I’d just like to know how he is, how his mother is, how has life turned out. He’s never answered the letters I sent (sent two).

I appreciate it might be upsetting for him or he’s still angry, so never tried again.

Suggest for you to just block and not answer. That should be enough

I split from my ex in 2009, and blocked him everywhere, in 2014 he tried via LinkedIn. I was amazed! I blocked him there too. In 2018 he tried again via his new wife's Instagram. I blocked him there too. I'm apparently hard to get over, as well as being hard not to cheat on. It's all control. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Do not engage. Block, block, block.

Normally they want an ego boost or a shag