Hello,
A couple years ago, my wife and I were trying to conceive. We were finally successful, but we miscarried. During the miscarriage, she had a major hemorrhage. It completely traumatized her. She had always had some depression issues, but the trauma and the loss sent her spiralling. I have done everything I could to help her through. Tried to get her to see a therapist. I was also dealing with the loss of my mom to cancer, the loss of our potential first born, losing two of my uncles within a week of each other, and an 8 month long court battle with my aunt over our inheritance from my mother. I tried to be strong for her throughout all of this. I tried to shield her from the weight on my shoulders, trying to deal with all of the above, and trying to support her in any way I could. In the process I fear may have become emotionally distant.
After a very long time of trying to get her to see a therapist, she hit rock bottom and finally sought help. A few weeks into her therapy, she told me they had suggested that she get out of her element for a few days. Learn to cope on her own, without using me as a crutch. I reluctantly agreed to it. I didn't want her to go, but I wanted her to get better.
After a week, she left me. She said she's turning into a different person. A person I wouldn't love.
She almost immediately jumped into a new relationship with one of the people she was staying with. Someone we both met only a handful of months ago.
He is her mothers age. I've had a hard time wrapping my head around that. Thinking about it, I started remembering conversations I had with her. Her talking to me while she was out of town for a tournament, he was there too. I remembered her telling me about how he was cracking jokes about how old they both were. I didn't really think anything of it at the time. I thought about her telling me she was going to stay the night at their place (he lives with his 30 year old son, and his girlfriend) because they got her too drunk. That happened several times leading up to her leaving. These are people who haven't known is all that long, but long enough that at the time I felt I could trust them. They don't know our history, all that we had been through together. What they did know, is that she has been dealing with severe depression.
I feel like this is a weird statement to make, but I never noticed until now. But her and I both added him on Facebook the same day. She was accepted, my request is still pending.
I want to point out all this started about a month before she left. And I did condone her going out to be with friends. She has always struggled in that regard. She always felt as though our friends were my friends, not hers. I was happy that she had people she saw as her own.
Anyhow. My big question here is. Do you think she was groomed, manipulated, taken advantage of while in a very vulnerable state? Because with the context of what has happened now, that is all I can see. From the pending request, him cracking jokes calling them both old, them getting her too drunk to drive.
I hesitate to tell her my thoughts. I feel like if I do, I will just drive her further away from me.