What were your ‘checking out’ signs?

[Coffee4685]

When you’ve been through that horrible unravelling experience of checking out of a relationship, what were the tells? Either by you or done to you?

I’ll share mine:

• I started to become more possessive over things in my house when he’d come to stay over. I definitely shifted from ‘ours’ to ‘mine’ and got cross when he helped himself to food etc

• driving past his parents’ house gave me a sense of dread. They were lovely parents but I knew I didn’t want to spend anymore time there

-buying gifts for him felt like an obligation rather than something I wanted to do

-ditto talking on the phone when he went away for long periods. I just wanted to be left in peace with my book and my dog!

-I was cross all the time around him and his behaviour made me rage. That classic case of things you overlook at the start coming back round to bite you in the end

I feel like a monster for admitting all the above but I have ended the relationship. There was also plenty contributing factor to my checking out, but I’m interested to know what other people have experienced. Hopefully I won’t feel so alone!

I left someone at Christmas time. He failed to buy me a present, which was the final nail in the coffin. Amongst the gems coming from him were that he liked me slim, and if I got fat (due to serious medical treatment scheduled including steroids) he would run off. He said I must regret getting older because I looked stunning back in my youth, and it must be tough knowing you will never get that back. There were other clangers. When he looked at young women in bars he never stood a chance of dating, I didn't feel jealous one bit. I felt sad that his whole existence was looks-based and knew he would never be happy with his life. His previous trophy-wife had taken him to the cleaners in the divorce, so I just thought he will end up a lonely old man fixated with the looks of much younger women. When I dumped him, he gave me cash which he said he had been meaning to give me for Christmas. No thought at all went into that gift then. I don't feel alone, and I don't feel like a monster. I feel grateful to be free, and so should you. It takes a while for people to get to know other people. Don't feel bad as it wasn't working and your need for retreat signalled how the relationship needed to end for your own best interests. It is also in his best interests, as he may find someone who likes him.

A lot of yours are on my list including
-not caring when or if we would meet up again

• when almost every thing he said annoyed me

-when I did see him I felt nothing/or felt disgust

-when I stopped thinking of a future with him

-when I didn’t care when he was sick/Ill

I’m sure there are tons more lol

@Sunnytwobridges

A lot of yours are on my list including -not caring when or if we would meet up again

• when almost every thing he said annoyed me

-when I did see him I felt nothing/or felt disgust

-when I stopped thinking of a future with him

-when I didn’t care when he was sick/Ill

I’m sure there are tons more lol

All of these!

And this

-I was cross all the time around him and his behaviour made me rage. That classic case of things you overlook at the start coming back round to bite you in the end

@scoobydoo1971 I could see why you’d check out on Prince Charming

I didn't want him to buy me Xmas presents. I'd previously told him a specific item I would like and he's made a comment about how expensive it was even though it was half the amount he usually spends. I couldn't bear the thought of him buying it.

I had zero sexual attraction to him, he murdered what was left of it himself.

This is the first time I've read what our checking out signs have been. Usually it's the partners ones. For me: wanting time away and looking forward to it. No desire for sex with that person. No thought of buying birthday/ valentines presents. Viewing them on a practical way, ie, for household tasks

A really significant one was that I was asked to support family friends dealing with a suicide and my first thought was preventing my dp from being involved in any way.

Essentially my tolerance just evaporated. Couldn't stand him sleeping in the day, blowing his nose, his shitty comments about what tv we watch. I went from trying to keep everyone happy to wanting to just throw him out of the house in a rage.

I have all of these! 😬

If you are the initiator of the checking out, then there usually follows the partners checking out after acceptance.

Just be very sure when you check out as you can very rarely check back in.

Once the checking out extends further to family members there is generally no hope for the relationship.

@AlbertBridge any more to add to the pile?!

Flinching when he touched me

Just rather not be in his company. Would rather sit upstairs on my bed alone or an evening than cosy up on the sofa with him.

But not just the odd day here and there. Most days. Most of the time.

For me it was being annoyed by everything he did. Not wanting sex. Feeling detached.

Experiencing it from the other side was basically the same, except it also came accompanied by him suddenly switching to finding me irritating and talking pleasantly and respectfully about his ex-wife (after years of hostility between them, in place long before I came on the scene).

I recognised the look of contempt on his face immediately as it was the same one he got before when he used to talk about his ex-wife - and that I had pulled him up on and spent many an hour trying to persuade him to be more conciliatory with her since they shared kids.

I knew he was done then! Made it easier for me though as it was also the final nail in the coffin for me. Seeing how he could switch our roles so easily made me realise he didn’t just have a bad ex-wife (and to be fair they were foul to each other) but he felt perfectly justified in triangulating and making one woman the good one and one the bad one when it suited him.

It was hurtful at the time but now I just find it funny.

Telling him to spend only a tenner on Christmas presents. Saw him walking to the house with the err hum “sex box” and thinking “ no thanks “ 🤣

When he was going away on a 'lads' holiday, and I was gutted when it was cancelled