Am I a bad person?

[UsuallyHappy43]

I loaned a family member some money last Summer (£5k) with a promise it would be repaid in full by end October. I am still waiting. It's putting a strain on my marriage, as my husband didn't want me to lend it in the first place. I sent a message this week (the family member lives abroad) which was quite rude and direct as at the time I was feeling very annoyed and used tbh. I had a reply back which made me feel really bad about being so petty. How on earth can I move on and should I still pursue the loan repayment? Am I being too harsh?

No, if it was a loan they should be making arrangements to pay you back. Why aren’t they?

Tell them to pay in instalments if they can’t afford it all but you want it all repaid by x

What was your relative's rationale for being able to pay the money back to you in full within a few months of borrowing it? Did their explanation seem plausible?

As the PP has said, ask for it in manageable instalments and see if that gets a positive response.

Thank you, it was for a cash flow difficulty until a business contract that was due to pay out, came through. I know this has been a difficult time for them, but it has out me in an impossible situation too. Hence, am I a bad person? I feel just so awful about it. All I want is to be happy and for everyone else go be happy, why is that so hard to achieve?

Of course you're not a bad person. This is simply one less than ideal situation. That's all. Bearing yourself up about it won't help anyone.

Do you need the £5k urgently? Do you know if the business contract has come through and been paid?

Your not a bad person but did you have anything in writing regarding the loan repayment?

Since when is £5k petty?

A £5k loan where promised repayment is 3 months late? And you're worried you were rude!

Have they paid back anything? Made an installment agreement? Explained the delay BEFORE you had to chase them? Explained 3 months ago what the delay was? If no to those I'd suggest you've been taken for a mug and their reply was designed to pull on your heartstrings and shut you up. Please say you have this loan agreement in writing.

I have a series of texts to that end Georgeskitchen, which would stand up in court, although of course I hope it won't come to that. £5k is significant to us but it won't break us. We can just about afford to lose it, but it would hurt.

@UsuallyHappy43

I have a series of texts to that end Georgeskitchen, which would stand up in court, although of course I hope it won't come to that. £5k is significant to us but it won't break us. We can just about afford to lose it, but it would hurt.

Are you sure? If the person is in another country surely that complicates things?

It's not petty. And you're not a bad person.

You are a kind person that lent someone £5k interest free at considerable risk and annoyance to yourself. It caused friction in your marriage. But you did so, on the grounds that they would repay it all in October.

They are the bad person. They've not fulfilled their promise. They should be extremely grateful to you, extremely apologetic and be investigating now how they borrow £5k from a bank to pay you back the overdue money you gave them.