Good Morning Everyone
When I met my husband (age 48) nearly four years ago he was a vaper, having recently quit smoking.
I am an ex-smoker myself. (I am 46 and quit 20 years ago). I quit after reading Allen Carr's Easyway and never smoked again. The book talks about how replacing cigarettes with something else (e.g. nicorette, vaping) is usually ineffective.
About a year into the relationship he confessed to buying cigarettes at a stressful moment but said it was a blip. This happened several times. He repeatedly said he wanted to quite vaping, and would, but never did. We moved into together last February and got married in July. At the time I was convinced he was done with smoking because he told me he hated it and hated himself for thinking he could 'just have one'. However in the months that followed I realised he was smoking socially. Before christmas I refused to go to bed with him when I tasted cigarettes during a kiss. (Yuk). We've had a rocky road at times and he apologised for adding to our stress and 'doing this to us'. At new year I told him that I would not be intimate with him until he was done forever with cigarettes. We already don't share a bed due to his snoring and our different time zones. Now it fees like we are room mates as our only touch is when he pecks me goodnight on the cheek. I am heartbroken, sexually frustrated, and worried. I am bewildered at his stupidity. His dad died of smoking-induced lung cancer in his 50s. My own mum almost died when I was a baby due to a lung condition. I loathe and despise smoking and he has always known this. This isn't an addiction - any smoker, including myself, who is being honest, will tell you that they smoke because they enjoy it. He is now actively choosing manky cigarettes over sex - something he has always prioritised. He is aware of how distressed I am and there is no point in raising the subject again with him. I am now wondering how many years we have left if he also succumbs to lung cancer (he has been smoking since college) and whether those years will be blighted with this ongoing struggle. Is anyone else in this position? I waited a lifetime to meet him and he is a wonderful husband and dad to my son (age 12).