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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I handle my mother's behaviour?

4 replies

Liverpoolkate · 14/01/2022 08:33

My mother and I had a row last week. Without outing she basically messed up and did something that hurt me and my siblings then lied herself in circles to get out of it (she has been caught out in a few lies recently), then came clean (only because another person put pressure on her to tell the truth)

Anyway we had an huge argument but she refused to explain why she did what she did and just wanted it all to be forgotten about and brushed under the carpet. She apologised for hurting us and we agreed we would forget about it and move forward but since then she is being so cold to me and my siblings. Text messages go unanswered, she won't speak on the phone, has asked us not to visit her and the one time I saw her (because she needed to collect something from me) I just acted normally but she refused to make eye contact or speak to me. It's like she is punishing us.... but we didn't do anything wrong. I don't get it.
We are normally so close and this seems out of character for her but this is the first proper argument we have had since I was a teenager so maybe this has always been how she is when she is called out on bad behaviour.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. For now I'm just not contacting her and hoping she gets over her little sulk soon.... but I just don't get why she's acting like this.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMinty · 14/01/2022 08:39

I'd hazard a guess she's embarrassed and pissed off at being caught out.

There's nothing you can do, just let her have her little tantrum and wait for it to blow over.

The more you try to put things right (even though you are not in the wrong), the more tension it'll cause and the longer it'll go on for.

It will also set a precedent that next time something like this happens you'll end up apologising again for her behaviour, and you really don't want to go down that road.

Liverpoolkate · 14/01/2022 08:48

@NewYearNewMinty yes I'm thinking the same thing. Even though every fibre of my being wants to try to put this right.

OP posts:
NewYearNewMinty · 14/01/2022 13:44

Honestly I have more experience than I care to think about with a mother who sulks for the most minor or even non-existent reasons and I can tell you that trying to sort it out is probably going to be a waste of time.

My mum will never see my pov once she has a bee in her bonnet and certainly won't ever admit that she might be in the wrong.

It took me a long time to realise that wrangling with her just dragged out the unpleasantness for even longer and achieved precisely sweet fa.

Cherrysoup · 14/01/2022 19:28

I’d want to send her a message saying ‘Why are you playing the martyr when you’re the one who did wrong?’ but I’m very passive aggressive.

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