Is there a dating app for ugly people?

[sprite25]

I know it sounds weird but are there any dating apps for people who aren't considered attractive? My marriage is dead and I feel the only reason I'm sticking around is because I'm scared that once I leave I'll be alone forever. I know I'm ugly and have made my peace with it but just want to know there's hope out there for me. Regular dating apps are full of people who look like they've been on love island and that just ain't me, I feel like the standard for attractiveness nowadays is just so high that I'd never find someone

I've had a bad accident and lots of surgery. I am of a certain age beyond my prime years on the beauty stakes. Not quite a pensioner, but over the hill by tabloid standards. I have a personality. People like it, or they don't. A bit like Marmite or picked onions. I don't struggle to find men who accept my ugly-bits or kiss them better, and anyone revolted by my medical conditions would not be eligible for my time anyway. People can see my stitches and defects as ugly, or 'battle scars' like I do. Not everyone would find you ugly, and that is just a judgement you have about yourself. It can be one you project onto others and it puts you are risk of meeting men who want to manipulate that ("You are so lucky to have me..." sorts). With age, attractiveness develops from who you are, what you do with your life and not just what greets you in the morning in the mirror. Internet dating is a brutal and vacuous process of weeding out narcissistic abusers, odd people, people lacking social skills, married pretenders and players...while trying to find a good match. If you are not feeling so great about yourself, try clubs, hobbies and just being out and about smiling (hard with a mask I know!).

This is easy to fix.
Reducate yourself what real beauty is, because it has nothing to looks.
Read up on improving self esteem , self value and self confidence and put it into practice, learning these life skills will put you into a totally different league. Finding a man will be the least of your priorities, because by then the blinkers will be off, your mind will be reconditioned and you will be free.

OP. For years, I felt very similarly to you. I'm average looking at best. I'm now in mid/lateish 40s and with a man who tells me I'm breathtakingly beautiful and is proud to be seen with me.

I've also had people shout crappy comments at me in the street.

The only thing that has changed is how I view myself and my confidence.

I don't know why people always answer these posts by reassuring the OP, who they have never set eyes on, that she's not ugly. She may be, she may not, but if she us, what use is it to tell her she's not, or it doesn't matter, when realistically looks tend to be a very important criteria for selection of partners. Even more so for men.
OP, you will find a lot of men on dating sites are themselves ugly. However, they won't necessarily realise it or be more open to a less physically attractive woman.

Posted too soon.. so my advice is to display realistic puctures if yourself so you attract men who value other things as well as looks. Also consider if possible going to places where you can meet people in person so your personality is on show from the offset.

In my experience op, guys are not fussy. At least when it comes to choosing people initially on dating apps.

Looks wise I'm like a 5.5 on my best day (and best picture). I have had no problem getting dates. The key is, I like me. And I go on the date to decide if like them. Not to win their approval. And if it doesn't work out, there are billions more fish in the sea.

But I think it would be wise to take some time single. Being happy in your own company is an important skill to learn before dating. Also, confidence is sexy. And loving yourself id important, otherwise you'll accept dregs from people who may end up being toxic.

I doubt you're ugly. If you feel unattractive, look at ways in which you could improve yourself - a flattering hairstyle/colour, some make-up, clean/flattering clothes, polished/painted nails, bits of jewellery, etc., can all help, and will make you feel better about yourslef. Most of us are average-looking, and most people have something about our appearance we don't like. Don't ever compare yourself to fake so-called celebrities.

Why do you have to date? Surely If you are ending a marriage you would want to spend some time single? Why the rush to meet someone new again so you can leave?

Oh op

Please work on you self esteem, have therapy before you even think about dating x

I don't think there is such a thing as 'ugly' in terms of looks. It's more a personality/attitude thing and you sound lovely.

Beauty is subjective and everyone is attractive to someone.

I'm on a couple of OLD apps and I'd say I'm very "average" looking. I get matches and messages fairly often.
My friend who has recently joined is drop dead gorgeous & a body to die for. she actually used to model until a few years ago and now has a very successful business. She'd definitely come under the "love island" type category.

She barely gets any matches, when she does they rarely message first, if she messages many don't reply and this week alone she's been ghosted 3 times.

So my point is, these amazing profiles you will be a split of 1) fake profiles/catfish 2) filters 3) women men are intimated by and are having an absolutely hellish time on the dating apps

Oh OP very few people are ugly and I doubt you are! With low self esteem you may carry yourself (body language) as timid and to actual ugly bullies, you may appear an easy target. It’s not your looks they’re targeting. From how you speak here and how humble and honest you seem, you’re already attractive to me more than a lot of so called beautiful people. Take time to heal from the wounds inflicted on you. No partner, just take time for YOU. You deserve it. Here’s a not very MN ❤️

To answer a few questions: my parents never called me ugly, certainly not my mum but my dad made the odd mean comment about my weight in front of other people when I was a child/teen. As to who has called me ugly: school bullies ( alot of them), family members of my 'best' friend growing up, ex-boyfriends, random people in the street (usually a**ehole men), a boyfriend of a sister, people in pubs/clubs when I was younger, even when I've said stuff in front of my husband about being hideous or nothing to look at he has never said anything to protest it. I understand about having confidence and making the most of what you have by making an effort with your hair clothes etc and I spent alot of time in the past on that but felt like what's the point in leaving the house full of confidence and pride just to have someone shoot you straight down as soon as you step out the front door. I don't want my kids growing up thinking what me and their dad have is a normal relationship I guess I'm just scared to make that final leap, especially as I don't have any friends just a few close family members

Also, should have said, I've now been single for 5 years and am the happiest I've been in my adult life. Single doesn't = lonely

I bet there are people in miserable marriages who feel lonelier than me

You know you're really lacking in confidence in a big way.

I don't think you're going to find confidence when you're in a crappy relationship. Every day his behaviour is putting you down so you can't feel good about yourself.

I think the only way to build confidence will be to leave him first, then find your confidence second.

I think everyone is worthy of a satisfying, but imperfect relationship and you are too.

plenty of fish

Hi Op, you sound lovely bless you! I wouldn't give up hope on finding a partner somewhere who will love and respect you, it's probably best for you to live freely with your independence for a while first though if you intend to leave your husband. I've been happily married for 10 years and together for 12 now and I am like a sideshow at the circus, (no hyperbole, I am just exceedingly hideous) so it is completely possible to find someone. I think my DH really likes my personality if that helps lol

Wise words from Roald Dahl

I remember reading that Roald Dahl quote as a child and being sad because I was ugly, so everyone telling me I was ugly would also think I had bad thoughts / accuse me of it. Dahl was probably trying to be nice, but the idea that only horrible people look unattractive is bollocks. I find his choice of words very unwise.

school bullies ( alot of them)
Were you the girl in your year they picked on most? I remember the girl and the boy in my year who were bullied the most, and have often thought over the years that they must still suffer from it. The boy in particular was treated horrifically. I would hope he has had therapy. But your dad should have had your back, and didn't. That will have done a lot of damage too. Tbh it sounds like you've subconsciously chosen a husband that meets your idea of what a husband/dad is normally like.

Whatever waits for you post marriage, you will gain nothing by staying in an unhappy marriage.

It is so much better to be single than unhappily married. 1000 times better. Your marriage is sapping your confidence. I suspect that when you leave, you will start to rebuild yourself, and that will make you more confident and happier (both of which are attractive to other people).

So - even if you ended up single forever, you would still be better off ending your marriage. Once you've left you'll feel huge relief and realise what a burden you've been carrying, that's been sucking the joy out of your life.

And once single, you can take time to rebuild, to think about who you are, what you want from life, what experiences you want, where you see yourself in 5 /10 / 20 years, and start planning to make it happen.

You will be free to meet someone new if you want. And the refreshed, happy, more self-confident you will a) be less hung up on how you look, and b) will be more 'attractive' and approachable because of who you are.

Some people are obviously attractive to look at (although of course we all have different ideas of what makes physcially attractive). Some are not. But personality is worth so many times more than what your face looks like. I had a (on the face of it) v attractive bf when I was much younger. He turned out to be a cruel and selfish arse, and by the end I didn't fancy him anymore. In my memory he's not good looking at all. I've also known plenty of people who would never be described as attractive, who I find attractive because of their humour / kindness / smile / positive approach to life.

Please don't stay in an unhappy marriage. It's so much worse than being single.