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Original poster

Would this bother you

25 replies

Bloops · 13/01/2022 08:34

Does it bother you if your partner watches porn and follows his favourites on social media? When he initiated sex yesterday, I remembered it, felt cringed out and it put me off! do I need to get over myself?! 😂

OP posts:
feelsobadfeltsogood · 13/01/2022 08:37

My fwb ages ago (so entirely different to a partner) used to love porn and I came to the conclusion I either had to embrace it and watch with him - which to be fair had some great advantages we took on role play and spiced things up and introduced some toys and it was amazing but if it just weirds you out that's understandable too it's not for everyone.

Just remember these porn stars with perfect boobs and bums have probably had a lot of assistance to be honest. They aren't your average woman on the school run 😂

Do whatever you feel comfortable with ❤️

Pieminster · 13/01/2022 08:45

No that would turn me right off like you I'm afraid

headunderthewater · 13/01/2022 08:48

Well, I’m one of the few people who are againts porn use because it’s misogynistic and exploitative industry.

So in that sense it would ”bother” me.

You’re going to have to figure out do you want a partner who uses it or not.
And then let him know your boundaries/ deal breaker.

But just because porn has been normalized, doesn’t mean you, or anyone else have to except it in you life.

DropYourSword · 13/01/2022 08:49

It really doesn’t matter what anyone else is bothered by. What’s important in your relationship is what bothers you!

Mamamamasaurus · 13/01/2022 08:55

He has favourite porn stars? And he follows then on SM?

I know someone like this. He has folders upon folders of his favourites. He's creepy as AF and wouldn't trust him alone with my dog, let alone a human.

If it gives you the ick, that's enough. You're not comfortable with it or it wouldn't make you feel this way

Original poster
Bloops · 13/01/2022 09:01

@Mamamamasaurus

He has favourite porn stars? And he follows then on SM?

I know someone like this. He has folders upon folders of his favourites. He's creepy as AF and wouldn't trust him alone with my dog, let alone a human.

If it gives you the ick, that's enough. You're not comfortable with it or it wouldn't make you feel this way

Well he must do because I saw it on his SM. I wouldn't have known but it came up as a suggested thing for me to follow, because he does!! So naturally I clicked on it and realised
OP posts:
TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 09:06

@DropYourSword

It really doesn’t matter what anyone else is bothered by. What’s important in your relationship is what bothers you!
This. If your partner does something that turns you off, whether it's porn, eating yoghurt, keeping a pet mouse, shopping at the Co-op, you never need to get over yourself. Your feelings are who you are. Present them respectfully to your partner, and if he doesn't respect them, you have a problem in your relationship, and it's not porn: it's him not caring how you feel.
allyjay · 13/01/2022 09:07

No thanks I'm not into porn sick misogynists. They're usually losers and shit in bed too

Original poster
Bloops · 13/01/2022 09:07

Thanks all, haven't said anything to him because I'm just not sure what to think atm. I guess I'm annoyed but not sure if I'm just over reacting tbh

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 13/01/2022 09:11

It’s a no from me for so many reasons.

Babdoc · 13/01/2022 09:12

Modern online porn is much more violent and misogynistic than the old top shelf mags. I couldn’t fancy a man who enjoyed watching the humiliation, abuse and subjugation of women, and I could never be complicit in his sick views.
Are you happy for him to regard you too as subhuman meat to abuse?

TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 09:15

@Bloops

Thanks all, haven't said anything to him because I'm just not sure what to think atm. I guess I'm annoyed but not sure if I'm just over reacting tbh
You can't be over reacting: you haven't taken any actions at all.

Feelings are the wild part of us. We need to respect them, otherwise we surpress our natural self. Over-reacting is when we take our feelings and do something outlandish with them, for example, if he looks at porn, and you feel upset, so you set all his clothes on fire.

The only thing we can ever do in our intimate relationships is to calmly and respectfully tell our partner how we feel. 'When I found out you watch porn, it turned me right off, and it turns me off whenever you come near me in a sexual way.' (or 'When you talk about your pet mouse, it makes me feel sick' or 'When you tell me you've been to the Co-op, it makes me want to poke your eyes out.') Everything then rests on their response: you've done your bit. If they decide to tell you you're over-reacting, that means you are reacting too much for their preference. It's not about there being rules and whether you are breaking them or pushing them. There are no rules. There is no 'right' emotional response to anything, so you can't be getting it wrong, or overdoing it, emotionally. We all have feelings that are standard, we all have other feelings that are odd, and unique to us. It doesn't matter: that's what defines who we are. We need to make sure we spend time with people who respect those parts of us; all parts of us.

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 09:30

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sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 09:31

@allyjay

No thanks I'm not into porn sick misogynists. They're usually losers and shit in bed too
You're aware many women enjoy porn as well I'm assuming?
Original poster
Bloops · 13/01/2022 09:32

@sweetcheekweak

No, it tends to only impact the insecure
This is what makes me wonder whether there's any point in saying anything. We all have our hang ups. I'm not massively insecure at all to be honest. But now it's just niggling away at me
OP posts:
sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 09:34

@Bloops

What is it that bothers you, is it the watching porn in general or the following them on SM?

As one of those is easier to approach than the other.

Original poster
Bloops · 13/01/2022 09:38

[quote sweetcheekweak]@Bloops

What is it that bothers you, is it the watching porn in general or the following them on SM?

As one of those is easier to approach than the other. [/quote]
A bit of both I think! 😂

OP posts:
CamsPaisleyCuffs · 13/01/2022 09:41

What some people will call being insecure, I call having respect for one another, so it would be a no from me. Horses for courses.

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 09:44

@Bloops

Then either get over yourself or move on and try and find someone who doesn't do anything that makes you cringe

Yousexybugger · 13/01/2022 10:02

I don't agree with the porn industry in terms of either the messaging it gives out, or the exploitation of women that is rife. This is why I wouldn't support it now by watching porn. I wouldn't be too horrified, however, to find out that a partner discreetly watched something on occasion. In the past it has been a small part of my sex life so I can't be too much of a hypocrite.

However, the fact that he is trying to engage in real life in some way with the actresses by following them on SM would be severely offputting to me. It's also visible to anyone who is on his SM that he follows porn stars which I would think of as very indiscreet, disrespectful to his partner and icky if someone I knew was that public with his sex life.

However, my views are by the by. If something puts you off sex, you don't just need to grin and bear it. You don't like that he is doing this so you're well within your rights to express a boundary and be prepared to uphold it if he doesn't agree.

ahola · 13/01/2022 10:02

@sweetcheekweak

No, it tends to only impact the insecure
Or anyone that doesn't enjoy watching women being hit, spat on, choked, roughed up, etc really.
TheFoundation · 13/01/2022 10:25

@sweetcheekweak

No, it tends to only impact the insecure
... and those with a baseline of respect for women.
PearlD · 13/01/2022 10:33

You don't need to get over yourself, if this is how you feel. If it turns you off him, then that's just a fact, it's not an overreaction.

onedayoranother · 13/01/2022 11:37

Nope. Deal breaker.

Useresque · 13/01/2022 16:51

If he's following his favourite porn actresses on SM then presumably he's advertising to the world and his wife what his interests are? He sounds tediously dull. That wouldn't do for me.

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