What do I do here? Or do I do nothing?

[BringTeaAndCake]

I joined fab swingers a while ago, after a bit, I realised it wasn't for me so I deleted my profile.

I've very recently joined plenty of fish and received a message from a guy. The username was one I recognised from fab, we never spoke on there but I remember seeing it on the updates bit.

We've been chatting and he seems really nice and sweet. Not pushy at all and happy to take things at my pace.

Do I mention that I've seen him on fab? It's not something that bothers me, I was on there myself. Although he seemed a bit more active on the site than I was.

We have a first date planned soon and I'm not sure if it's something I should bring up. It feels a bit intrusive that I know this about him but he doesn't know that I know.

Have you googled his username?

I haven't but I'm sure it's the same guy. I remember looking at his profile on fab. Same age, same location. He didn't have a face picture on there but the username is quite distinctive.

I'd be questioning why I already felt like I didn't know how to approach something with him, before I'd even met him.

Why do you think it's intrusive that you've seen him somewhere public, where he is actively promoting himself?

I'd leave it until you know him better. He could make the same argument about you having been on there, and he could have come off for the same reasons you did. Good to know he may not be boring in the sack I guess?

How do you know he seemed more active than you on there?

I would just ignore it and not mention anything. The only way it would be an issue is if it was swinging you were against and he wanted that.

Do you think he’s interested because he thinks you’re not that too, when you realised you weren’t? Is that what you mean?

I'd probably see how the first date went, and see if it may crop up in conversation. If he's on there to 'meet' people he may be exploring all meeting platforms out there. If it seems to be the main topic of conversation with him, them you'll have to decide if it's an avenue you wish to persue.

I wouldn't mention it just yet.
Just enjoy getting to know him in the vanilla world.
Don't let him put you in a fab box.
Enjoy knowing that if things progress you're going to have an enjoyable time in that area of your relationship.

@TheFoundation it's not that I don't know how to approach it, more whether I should or not. I'm not sure how I'd feel if someone had possibly seen intimate pictures of me and I didn't know. Or if I'd feel awkward if I did know. Does that make sense?

It wouldn't be an argument or anything of the sort, I don't think any less of him for being on there.

@TheChip I just assumed he was more active because I remember his username from the updates section. I never posted on there, just responded to messages.

@Honeyroar No, it's definitely not that. He has no way of knowing that I was on fab. I know we didn't speak so we definitely didn't exchange pictures. And I didn't have any public pictures at all.

I think I'll see how the date goes. We may not get on at all and this would be a moot point anyway.

I get what you're saying, but if you'd put the pictures in a place accessible to anybody, deliberately, it wouldn't really make sense to feel bothered if someone had seen them, would it. It's a non-issue. Like saying to someone that you saw them in the supermarket the other day and they had a hat on. It's not something they're hiding, so you don't need to bother yourself about whether you've seen it or whether they care that you've seen it.

If you’re not into swinging and he is then that could cause a problem and one of you would have to compromise if it went further

@TheFoundation I hadn't thought of it that way and maybe that's the right way. It is a non issue.

@AdultingInTheCountryside Most of the men that I spoke to on there didn't really use it as a swingers site, more a casual hook up thing. But it's certainly something to consider.

Going on his pof profile, he says he's looking for a relationship and he's done nothing so far to make me think that's not true. No trying to draw me into conversations about sex, no picture requests. Just normal, nice chat. I'll go with the flow for now and see how things turn out.

Wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

@Useresque

Wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

Why not?