Brother is breaking up with partner. Feel like I'm grieving....

[jelliander]

I'm close with my brothers partner and so is my daughter. He's leaving her and I will not be able to have a relationship with her after this. I'm very supportive of my brother and CANNOT talk to him about this. I feel devastated and like I'm going through a breakup myself, as daft as that sounds. I wish we weren't so close. How do I deal with this? I'm going to really miss her. Do I sound really selfish here?

I get you op. I married my bff's db. We split. Never heard from her again.
So they have dc?

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

I get you op. I married my bff's db. We split. Never heard from her again. So they have dc?

No children. Which makes things easier for them thankfully.

Why does your relationship with he is partner have to end just because they break up?

Why is it not possible for you to continue a friendship with her?

@stupiduser

Why does your relationship with he is partner have to end just because they break up?

I know for certain that we can't be friends. It'll be too hard for both of them.

Why can’t you have a relationship with her?

Your relationship with her is seperate to your relationship with him.

TBH I don’t agree that if someone breaks up with someone the rest of the family should cut them off as well. Assuming there isn’t e.g. DV involved.

When my DP’s brother split from his wife he essentially ordered the family to cut ties with her, and my DP refused as did his now ex who stayed friends with her.

I personally have an excellent relationship with my ex ILs.

So tbh I can’t see why you can’t have a relationship with her unless that’s what she wants. And frankly if you wish to maintain your relationship with her away from your brother it’s none of his business.

A friend of mine loved her son's girlfriend. Had all sorts of plans for them and their children. When they split up, she was devastated. Her son had to console her and tell her would all be ok. LOL. For quite a while she still talked very wistfully about her. Ah, what could have been.

It is the sort of breakup where a year down the line all feelings will have settled, or has there been a massive betrayal on someone's part? If the former, you might be able to get back in touch once everyone has moved on and have be able to gradually get your friendship going again.

A friend of mine loved her son's girlfriend. Had all sorts of plans for them and their children*. When they split up, she was devastated. Her son had to console her and tell her would all be ok. LOL. For quite a while she still talked very wistfully about her. Ah, what could have been.

*...children they didn't have, by the way!

@Rodion

It is the sort of breakup where a year down the line all feelings will have settled, or has there been a massive betrayal on someone's part? If the former, you might be able to get back in touch once everyone has moved on and have be able to gradually get your friendship going again.

Lots of little betrayals linked to drug addiction on her side. I really don't want to say too much as she's on here. Sorry if that makes things difficult.

You can continue to see her, there is no reason why.

I will not be able to have a relationship with her after this

You can, you just keep them separate and not mention them to each other.