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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of relationship advice

25 replies

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 13:13

I've broken up with my partner because of laziness. I've felt like a single parent for over a year and gave him chance after chance. We're still living together but the property we rent is in my name he's expecting me to change it to his name until I can find a place or if I move to my parents. There is chance that our council might say no to this. He has no where to go but won't sign up to council housing list. I'm wanting advice if I should do that or not because I can't keep living like this. My family say I should kick him out but I can move in if I want to. His family think I should give him the property. The council won't help us so I'm in the lowest banding, but if I move out I'll still be on the lowest, but the years I've built up will reset, so I will be at the absolute bottom again. He's not thinking about what's best for our child just about himself. I don't want him to be homeless, but I'm starting to think it'll be better to move in with my parents because this isn't good for my mental health. Although they'll be some trouble for our child because they don't have a bath and he hates showers. He's also a light sleeper so he'll be disturb with the times my parents are up. My ex does have some anger issues what he won't get sorted he's never hurt us, but he has thrown stuff around including our child's toys.

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 12/01/2022 13:27

He's an arse. It's your house, kick him out

SummerInSun · 12/01/2022 13:28

Your priority here is your child. He's the one you have a responsibility to. Do whatever is best for him.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/01/2022 13:32

Why would you give up your home, you have a child to house - can he not stay with his family? It’s your home, you can ask him to leave at any point, his homelessness is none of your concern especially given you moving out would leave your child homeless.

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 13:42

Unfortunately his family don't have any room for him. I'm scared to kick him out in case they harrass me. I don't want any trouble for our child, but he's not making it easy by not signing up for council housing

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Jellycatspyjamas · 12/01/2022 13:46

I’d kick him out, what he does for housing isn’t your concern - he’s an adult and can make his own choices. If his family harass you involve the police, he sounds abusive and really you don’t need to live with that.

ProudThrilledHappy · 12/01/2022 13:51

So he wants to make you and your child homeless instead? Total prick. It’s your house, send him on his way

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 13:54

I don't know if I have the confidence to do it just keep overthinking the stuff what could happen if I do. It would of been easier if council did help us

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ProudThrilledHappy · 12/01/2022 13:56

You would rather move you and your child out of your home and be made homeless rather than tell him to fuck off? Are you scared of him for some reason? If so you need to be speaking with the police

Danceswithwhippets · 12/01/2022 14:04

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/#h-if-you-rent

If the flat is in your name alone, then you are the only person entitled to live there. The police would remove him if he refused to go.

The council would allow you to "give" him the flat anyway.

This doesn't seem to difficult -you should stay in your home with your child. He has to make his own arrangements, it's not your responsibility.

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 14:08

We were already looking for a house because we're in a flat, but I was hoping we'd be in a higher band to make it quicker to move. I don't want to move to my parents to then move again I'd rather stay until we can get our forever home. He just won't sign up to move himself, but I don't even know if he would go if I told him to.

OP posts:
trickytimes · 12/01/2022 14:10

DO NOT MOVE. It’s in YOUR name.
I tried to rent a property recently and I needed a guarantor and to pay a YEARS rent up front!! If you leave you’ll never get back. This is a time of your life that you have to be strong. Put headphones on in the house. Move into your kids room. Take advice. He has no legal right to be in your home. Do not be bullied. You have a child to think of. Can you afford the house without him?

trickytimes · 12/01/2022 14:10

I’m wondering if you could move to your parents while you evict him? You need to see a solicitor urgently for advice

trydry22 · 12/01/2022 14:11

Have him removed .. 🤷‍♀️ why would you hand over your council property which let's face it are like hens teeth to an ex and make you and your child intentionally homeless!

trickytimes · 12/01/2022 14:12

Call council housing and say your name is on it and he is there and you want him out. How can they help you? Call everyone. Get lots of advice. Do not sign anything. If he starts getting shouty then call the police to have him removed

HollowTalk · 12/01/2022 14:12

Don't even think of moving out. He's the one who needs to go.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 12/01/2022 14:14

Do not move, OP. He will have to sort out his own housing - he's an adult, he can do that, rent a bedsit or something. Ignore his family. You have responsibility to your child, not to him. Please stay strong. Please speak to Women's Aid for advice and support.
I can't imagine that the council would allow you to sign the flat over to him anyway.

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 14:14

Yeah I can afford it without him. I'll have to tell him if he doesn't sign up and prove he's looking he's out. He's not even thinking that the council could say no to him taking over then we'd both be screwed

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PurplePinecone · 12/01/2022 14:18

Don't you dare move out your own home. What he does is not your problem. Your child is your priority. Change the locks when he's out, black bag his stuff leave it outside. Call the police if he tries to break in. Once again, don't feel bad. Not your problem

Danceswithwhippets · 12/01/2022 14:20

The council would NOT allow you to "give" him the flat anyway.

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 14:22

I think I'm more scared if I kick him out in case he takes off with our child or upsets him if he kicks off. I wouldn't mind him staying if he was actively looking

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/01/2022 14:55

The property is in your name and not his, and you are not married. He maybe too selfish and lazy to put your child first, so you need to do it for him. If he is not named on the tenancy agreement, he has no absolutely no right to stay and needs to leave. You could change the locks while he is out if he wont go peacefully. Citizens Advice will be able to give you advice as well.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/01/2022 14:58

If you are scared of him then you should involve the police. Get some advice from rightsofwomen.org.uk on how to manage this safely for you and your child.

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 15:11

I've told him before I want to this as peacefully as possible and he agreed, so I don't understand why he hasn't signed up for housing or why he thinks it's better to keep living together or for me to go

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pog100 · 12/01/2022 15:18

The council won't be giving a single man much priority will they? Nor, I imagine, will they take kindly to him taking over a space which is clearly enough for 2 adults and a child. He sounds both entitled and naive. I echo what the rest have said, you must stay put, he must leave

Aimeem93 · 12/01/2022 15:22

Don't imagine they will. They expect us to stay living together until one of us finds a place

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