What's the way forward when there's nothing fundamentally wrong, but you just keep rubbing each other the wrong way and are generally exasperated and a bit fed up with each other?

[emkana]

And you have three young children, one with SN, and the dh has a very stressful and annoying job, and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

Please tell me that it can get better, I really don't want to do anything drastic but atm my positive feelings for dh fit on a postage stamp, and I suspect he feels the same.

Happy Christmas

I just don't know, emkana.

But please let me know when you find out. Happens here from time to time....

Can you go away together without dc's? Sounds like you need some time together without the day to day stresses.

I think its normal for relationships to go through stages like this - anyone that says otherwise is blatantly lying (or hasn't got there yet ).

ok, this doesn't eliminate all problems, but ime it makes a difference: you need a regular night out together -- not a once-in-a-blue-moon sort of thing, but one night a week/fortnight.
and when you're in together, eat together at the table, rather than telly meals

Wish I knew! How are you supposed to get such a regular night out though MyEye?

Okay, it may not work for you but it works for me when I feel like this. Agree with your DH that you will make an effort to be nicer to each other and be very polite, considerate and kind to each other. Little things like: sorting out his sock drawer, making him his favourite meal etc.

DH does things like: running me a bath, emptying the bin without being asked.

It all adds up. Sometimes you just need to make a bit of extra effort and you realise how much the other does for you.

Also if he is in a hugely stressy job I know it can feel like he doesn't appreciate all you do but he probably does and he probably also misses the lot of you like crazy and is trying to hold things together so you have the money to live etc.

A little compassion on both sides can go a long way.

Good ideas there wmmc.

I have such good intentions for no arguments over the Christmas period, but dh takes so many things I say the wrong way and then goes off in a huff.

Like tonight, the dd's and I returned from church and dh was all stressed and tense and I said "aw you're not in a Xmas mood yet are you?" meaning it in a sympathetic way, but he flew off the handle again and told me not to be so condescending.

LOL. I find a pat on the hand and being handed a glass of wine/cup of tea goes down so much better Emkana!

There is a book called 'the proper care and feeding of husbands' that has some good ideas - if you can get past the 'throwing the book across the room because it dares to suggest women actually go out of their way to be nice to the men in their lives' (for me -four throws but it certainly helped my marriage through a rocky patch).

em, your thread title is me/us (more me I suspect) atm. It ^h got better lately, though. Nights out not an option and tbh I don't miss them.

I think we feel mutually unapprecited and both have quite fixed ideas about what the other should be feeling, iyswim.

After getting very upset a while ago, I'm now trying to remind myself very consciously of his many good points and hoping/assuming This Too Shall Pass.

About 90 per cent of the responses to this type of question tend to suggest regular time together, romance, yada yada yada. I'm not absolutely convinced by that, given that when Mr Inferior is driving me insane with irritation the last bloody thing I want is time with him.

What about getting a bit of time with your other friends as well - which has the advantage also of not having to find a babysitter - you know, that rediscovery of who one is oneself which tends to get so horribly lost otherwise?

oh but mi you must make time

I know exactly what you feel like

agree with wmmc that you need to agree to act nice

if you are the only one trying it will only make it worse

christmas also makes people cross

you think it is going to be a rest and then you wake up and remember you have kids

Just wanted to report that I have made every effort not to enter into arguments over the last few days, and while I certainly can't say that we're blissfully happy all of a sudden, at least it made for family life that was more harmonious, and that is something.

Happy for you emkana!

Your OP definitely struck a chord with me - also 3 dcs, stressed dh etc etc. When he comes home stressed I feel like he's using me as an emotional punch-bag but really he's trying to get me to make him feel better.

2 things come to mind. I am surfacing from the baby years and go out with friends much more than before. It gives me something interesting to talk about. I would really recommend that. Also I think we have good and bad times, and we can't always see why. I suddenly realise it's going better.

Good luck to you....

Is it you who always has the threads about your dh not playing with the kids in the way you want him to?

Perhaps this has something to do with the nothing fundamentally wrong feeling? You may feel he doesn't live up to the expectations you place on him?

I have to agree with the making time for each other. We try & get out about once a month. It's nice to feel grown up & adult without feeling parenty & mumsy