I ended things with my children's dad over a year ago. We really didn't work in regards to keeping a home. He was only able to focus on his job. But had no interest or clue with the house or garden. Nothing got sorted. He would bring home loads of ict stuff from work and clutter the house up. Weekends He moped about complaining how tired he was. How bad his headaches were. We had sex twice after our 2nd child was born in 3 years. After no sex for 2 years and him being obsessed with conspiracies and work. Our conversation died out along with our sex life. His snoring was unbearable too and we started sleeping apart.
He is a great dad. But he's very slow at everything. Takes him 45 minutes to poo. He jumps in the shower 7 minutes before he needs to leave the house on average. He lurks about in his towel for ages and just seems to take him forever to get out the door. He's fussy with food. He puts his lip up at garlic. Onions. Mushrooms. Spices. He never once in 9 years got me a thoughtful gift. Every birthday or Christmas was some terrible unflattering pj's and bath bombs from amazon. He said he hated jewellery and I stopped wearing my earrings etc. Overall he has provided financially and he will go and sort things whenever I ask. He is good at popping out to pick shopping up etc. He was never one to argue and didn't ever take the lead with plans etc. I'm sure I'm less than perfect too. But these are the reasons we didn't click.
I'm awaiting an operation. I often end up in hospital having blood transfusions and struggle to be reliable due to this. So until my operation and my son goes to school I can't go back to work. I worked before my kids and I've actually owned my house 4 years longer than we've been together. I paid all the deposit and 8 years of the mortgage. My ex has paid it for the last 6 years alone and I've raised our kids as that's what worked for us.
When we split he went into a state of shock for 8 months. Wouldn't talk about it without mentioning suicide. Depression. Heart break. Crying himself to sleep and loneliness. I after 9 months started dating someone and that's when he did accept the split but has still tried to avoid discussing the future in regards to the house.
I don't know what to do. I've paid alot into this. Even if we sold it I couldn't buy another place and would only manage to rent a while before the money would be gone. So many people have said to me normally the man finds somewhere else to stay and usually makes sure the mother and children have the house. I'm aware this isn't fair and I don't want to live of him or expect him to pay for me and somehow he has to fend for himself too. But I'm starting to hate this situation. He still expects me to cook and wash his clothes. I'm still chasing my tail with the housework.
I had a bath tonight and the kids were left to mess up downstairs. I Cooked everyone a roast and he was sat on his phone and the house was a tip. I've been doing jobs all day so found this really frustrating. He said he'd been working all day (he works from home)
He is making things so hard for me. I have to go out to socialise and can't have a friend here for a drink because he's always here. I have to go to my new boyfriends and obviously he can't ever come to mine. So I feel like I'm leaving my kids more than I'd like just so I can get away from this mess.
I really really don't know what else I xan do. He told me tonight I'm always in bed. I go upstairs in the evenings to be away from him.
This situation is awful. I don't know what to do because money wins. I want to shout at him that I don't want to live together anymore. He s making me choose between my kids and trying to make other parts of My life work.
I'm stuck aren't I?