Feeling so low and need some perspective

[Needtomoveon21]

Name change for this one

I posted on here just over a month ago about a guy I had been seeing from tinder, since late October. We both had a difficult year last year, I got out of a 3 year relationship in august after having 3 miscarriages, he divorced from his partner of 7 years (married for 2) after separating last March due to her cheating with the best man.

I know it’s a lot of trauma for us both and in hindsight I wish I had avoided, but basically things had been great until about a month ago he said he wasn’t sure if he was ready and tried to end things with me, however 24 hours later he begged for a second chance and I was stupid enough to let him. Basically the same thing has happened again but now it’s a lot more painful as we went further into things. He even asked to go official on Christmas Day and we had such a lovely romantic Christmas and new year together with him saying he has strong feelings for me and talking about the future (just stuff like holidays and where we see ourselves in a few months time, nothing too far ahead). And he’s basically done the same thing again now saying he needs proper time and space, saying I am a great girl but I deserve better. I don’t understand how he can go from having feelings for me to just saying I am a great girl :(. Its all happened so quickly too, this was literally less than a week ago he was saying these things about feelings and the future. I know it hasn’t been very long but I just felt this great connection with him and other than this everything was great and we had so much in common.

I know I need to go NC now and get back on with dating but I just feel so low I’m struggling to face it. Can anyone shed any perspective on what might be going through his mind and also some advice for me to help me move on? Thanks

(Annoyed on your behalf. You're not "silly", you're nice enough to think the best of people. It's a shame people take advantage of that.)

Thanks all. I’m still hurting but I’m very slightly better which I put down to deleting Facebook messenger and the temptation to message and see if he is online.

I still have a hope that things will work out in the future but I’ve realised if he were to come back anytime soon the trust is gone and I wouldn’t be able to trust it not to happen again unless he does some proper work on himself with proper time. And I’m also not going to wait either, although I keep thinking about the connection we had and things we had in common I can’t keep telling myself I won’t find that with someone else because I don’t know until I try. As soon as my coat arrives I’m going strict 30 day no contact and will take it from there with how I feel. Got a spa morning booked with my friend on Sunday which I think will really help.

Hello.....
Just a perspective from his side....I am in a similar situation.

Was blindsided by the end of my marriage 6 months ago, and jumped straight into dating. With hindsight I was desperately trying to act like my life could continue as normally as possible.
Been dating a guy for 2.5 months (we've even had a mini holiday together) - ridiculous really.

He was in a very similar situation as me.

I know he has fallen hard for me, and I feel terrible - but I now realise I'm still in love with ex, and there's no way I'm ready for a serious relationship.
Friends told me to slow down and grieve for my marriage and old life, but this was the only way I could react to my life imploding. How I wish I had listened to them.

I ended it with him yesterday (by text - very cowardly i know)

But I have mentally got nothing more to give

So what I'm trying to say is plenty of and to you, and enjoy looking after yourself and putting yourself first - be selfish!

Similar thing happened to me and my DP.

We were young, me 23 him 21. He had just got out of a 4 year relationship with a girl he owned a house and dog with. He wanted to not have responsibilities and just be a lad basically.

Then we met eachother, he spent months back and forth breaking things off etc - but (stupidly or not) i stuck around, because i saw value in the time we had together. He was worth all the ballache to me.

3 years later, we know have a house together, 2 dogs and ive just found out were expecting our first child together!
We went through around 6/7 months of heart ache until he finally accepted his feelings were stronger than his perception of what he wanted in his head. It can work out, but only you can decide whether you see it actually working out or not.

In my head, i always knew we would work out. i dont know why i was so confident, i just had a gut feeling that it would end up okay and it did!