Have I found the one?

[Myturnatlast]

I'm in my 50s, been married, divorced, got grown up kids. I've had many long and short term relationships over the years, but have never felt like this before about any of them. I thought that I'd been in love before but not I'm not so sure...
I've met someone who literally makes my heart race when I think of him, I'm so happy when I'm with him and know he feels the same because he tells me so.
We've only been together a couple of months and have to keep stopping ourselves from planning the rest of our lives together as we're aware that it's just such early days...
I'm scared that I'm falling too quickly but it just feels so right and I think that I've been in enough relationships to know my own feelings. We're not getting any younger I can't help thinking that I should just go with it rather than worrying that we're rushing things.

So, at my age and with my experience, could I have finally found 'the one'? I really hope so! Anyone got similar stories of finding love in their 50s for the first time?

We're not getting any younger I can't help thinking that I should just go with it rather than worrying that we're rushing things
I see it the opposite way round: at my age there's no need to rush - no need to settle down and have babies - so we can take all the time in the world.

I had something like this with the first guy after my divorce - he was very vocal about the Depth of his Love. I had a great time with him, but wasn't actually looking to settle down - fortunately, as after a year I was pretty sure he had several women on the go, or was married. Broke up with him nicely with great memories of the fun, and kept in touch out of curiosity but have still not worked out what he is up to!

Although I was only 40 at the time, this is what happened with me and now DH. We just kind of "fitted" in such a natural and uncomplicated way from the start. We also talked of "when we get married" from very early on, as did our friends, which surprised me. We took our time though and waited 5 years. There is no rush.

Best wishes for a happy future together OP!

There isn't a "one" .

Thinking of it logically there's 7 billion people or so in the world but you found your "one" in your country and pretty close to where you live I assume - what are the chances??! But there is "the right time" . Youve met someone who makes you happy at a time in your life where your priorities align and it all feels like the magic of new beginnings and there's not a single negative thing to be said about that.

Why question it? Just enjoy ☺️ and if you want to plan the rest of your lives together, you're on your 50's, there's no time like the present! Have an open heart and a discerning mind and you won't go far wrong.

Wonderful to read such a happy post. In what way is he different to the person you thought you were in love with before?

Ah thanks everyone, I'm a big overthinker and do think I should just roll with this and enjoy it while it lasts, which will hopefully be for a very long time...

@Bowwowwowoh - no-one has ever reciprocated my feelings the way he does, and it's not just mirroring, he's saying stuff first too.
No-one has treated me like this since I was a teenager

Well I’d enjoy it if I were you! Don’t overthink it. As long as you’re in a similar position, all good.
My mum met her late dh when she was early 50s, they spent almost 30 years together. He moved in v quickly. He was artistic and romantic which she adored but utterly broke. They spent every penny she had (and more) which ultimately did cause some friction. Now he’s passed away, I think she knows how much she truly loved him.
Life is short, embrace something or someone that makes you happy.

I’m 50 and a year into a relationship and I know he is ‘the one’. I think it’s the compatibility that I have with him that I have never experienced in any past relationship (was married for 20 years). It’s just all very easy. We aren’t rushing ahead but both knew from date 1 that this was it and we wouldn’t be looking for anyone else.

Enjoy your happiness.

It sounds nice. Enjoy it, take everything as it comes and don’t plan too far ahead - either for being together forever or for the possibility of breaking up. Try and live in the moment and have a great time with the lovely feeling.

But don’t let it cloud your judgement. I think all this spiel about “the one” can end up being partly what keeps many people in bad relationships long past when they should have left: “things were so wonderful at the beginning, we had such a connection, it just felt right, we were perfect for each other - I can’t just throw all that away, surely if we work at things harder and try to find the love again we can get back to that amazing place.”

I had 'the one' , 10 years later and he's 'the one I have to run to the hills from'.

It's grim

After a long marriage with someone who I thought was ‘the one’ and wasn’t am now seeing the man I wish I had met then.
But no illusions about ‘the one’
Just enjoy.

OK, maybe 'the one' is a bit Mills & Boone but I've never enjoyed being with someone so much before, been on the same wavelength and felt so happy and content, so maybe we'll go with 'the best relationship I've ever had'

Either way I'll try not to overthink it and just enjoy every moment

You’re old enough to know there’s no such thing as “the one”, and that people and relationships change. I’d enjoy it for what it is while keeping you head firmly on your shoulders. You’re in no hurry to get married so have fun, see where it takes you.

Mind you I’m 50, and coming out of a 30 year marriage so can’t imagine wanting another life partner in the foreseeable so I’m probably not the best to be responding to “young” love

Hate to put a dampener on everything but please be aware of love bombing. If anything happened to DH I wouldn't bother with another relationship as I would be concerned they weren't what they seemed. Which is really sad, I know. Been there, done that, nearly got done!.
Just be careful!

@whywouldntyou

Hate to put a dampener on everything but please be aware of love bombing. If anything happened to DH I wouldn't bother with another relationship as I would be concerned they weren't what they seemed. Which is really sad, I know. Been there, done that, nearly got done!. Just be careful!

Thank you and it is something I've considered as it sometimes does feel too good to be true... I've known this guy vaguely for a good few years though and know his relationship history so fingers crossed it's not the case here. I'm aware that nothing is guaranteed though!

I don't think there is a 'The One'.

It might really be you've met someone you can be happy with but it's too early to tell at this stage. I also believe you can never really know a person until you've lived with them for a few years . . . and often, not even then. Just enjoy it and see what happens but I wouldn't think in terms of 'fate' or 'the one' as it can cloud your judgement.

I really hope this works out for you, OP, but please be very careful about your own finances.

Talking about the future isn't the same as committing to it. You can plan your fabulous countryside house right down to where you'll have the sofa and what vegetables you'll grow in the garden, and it can be lovely to do that planning, but until you actually sign the contract, you can walk away at any time.

'I know we planned the countryside house, but I didn't realise you voted Tory'

'I know we planned to keep chickens, but you hadn't told me you'd been imprisoned for armed burglary' etc.

Enjoy the relationship. Don't make any physical/practical commitments that would be difficult to go back on until you feel more sure.

In short, enjoy your time together, but make sure you've got your own back.

@Myturnatlast

Ah thanks everyone, I'm a big overthinker and do think I should just roll with this and enjoy it while it lasts, which will hopefully be for a very long time...

@Bowwowwowoh - no-one has ever reciprocated my feelings the way he does, and it's not just mirroring, he's saying stuff first too.
No-one has treated me like this since I was a teenager

I’m 51 and met someone three months ago with whom I’m having the best connection I can remember having (and certainly the best sex). He’s also from what I can tell very sane and boundaried and approaching attaching to a new person ie me in a considered and pragmatic way. We feel like we’ve known each other for years and just get on brilliantly.

BUT - I recognise that it’s very early days, it’s barely what you could call a relationship as such for that reason, and I’ll only have a good sense of whether it’s something that will sustain after at least a year.

See it for what it is - a very lovely thing - but that the real measure of someone can only be understood over time and living through shared ups and downs.

no-one has ever reciprocated my feelings the way he does, and it's not just mirroring, he's saying stuff first too

Yeah, people who are clever at mirroring don't copy you. They learn you, so they get an understanding of how you're likely to respond to things, and then they can say it before you do. I'm not saying that's what's happening. I'm saying enjoy yourself but don't assume you know him well until you know him well.