Why do I feel like this after ex's announcement

[Layza101]

Hi, so I feel like I'm going through a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. Me and my ex were together for 16 years, have 2 lovely boys. We broke up 4 years ago but we were still quite close.
He kept me close as he didn't like to be alone and I stayed close as I still loved him, but I know realise how unhealthy this was and felt very used.
He got with his girlfriend around 4 months ago, he lives with her and has the boys every other weekend. The initial shock of that made me sad, but I quickly got over that, then my eldest son told me her daughter calls my ex, dad (she's apparently never met her dad, she's around 7) which baffled me as it seems way to soon.
I've met her a couple of times during pick ups/drops offs and have spoken to her a few times and she seems a nice person and the boys really like her, so I am happy about that.
All this time I've slowly tried to get back to how I used to be, but he sent me a message yesterday and as soon as I read it my heart sank. He said he wanted me to know that he's asked her to marry him.
I spent most of the night crying and overthinking so much. We were engaged for about 2 years before we broke up and he'd always said he never wanted to get married and only proposed because that's what I wanted and now I keep thinking if he can propose to someone after that amount of time then what's wrong with me?
I don't know why I'm so upset, because I don't want him back, he didn't treat me very nice, called me alot of names and hardly helped around the house and with the boys, but I feel heartbroken again.
My confidence is non-existent and I've lost myself. I haven't dated anyone since we split up and he was my first boyfriend, so maybe that has alot to do with why I feel like this.
Has anyone been though anything similar and can offer any advice or words of wisdom as I feel right back to square one again. Thanks 😊

I'd bet no wedding happens... all sounds bonkers and they both sound unhinged and to be merging families 4 months in.

Also while I get he needs to tell you his plan in relation to the children I find it a bit odd that he tells you before he asks her. Do you think he was looking for a reaction from you? I'd have struggled to not snort-laugh.

Get some popcorn and wine and watch the shit show unfold as the engaged couple actually get to know each other. It's got cluster fuck written all over it.

My boyfriend is in touch with his ex. 3 years ago they split. He didn't particularly move on from her in the first couple of years. He was very much clinging to her when he moved out. But she continued to help him and go have a coffee with him. Eventually his broken heart took painkillers snd text her to say goodbye. She rang an ambulance. Saved him (18 months after the split).

I met him about 2 months after his suicide attempt. I didn't know as he was working for my neighbour and we just exchanged numbers. Once we got talking and dating his ex came up very quickly. He described her as a friend. Over the last year of our relationship she's been a problem. I'll be honest. She has made things very tricky. They didn't have children. She didn't want him back. But as soon as she heard about me she wanted to know why he was with me. She tried to say she cared and was concerned he'd get hurt in another relationship. She called me a name once and he did defend me. Eventually he blocked her. But he still allows her to text him. He gets defensive if I say anything negative towards her. He is very conflicted about her. One minute he's moaning about all the little things she did he didn't like. Then he's defending her because she helped him. Sometimes he's expressing they took eaxhother for granted. But he's adamant he wouldn't go back there. He doesn't want her like that and they don't want the same things.

The reasons I'm writing this is because you and your ex have not disconnected properly at the right time. Being the new girlfriend and knowing my boyfriends ex is still holding this big place in his life is hard. It makes me feel like shit all the time. I often think how can I compare. Will he ever bond with me the same. Was she the love of his life. Is he not over her.

Its horrible. Because you have children it's different. You needed to stay in touch. But it seems you've not let an emotional bond go somewhere. I'm so sorry you feel that way. It's just so important people do the right thing for the long term.

My boyfriend doesn't see it and probably won't for a long time. But if he doesn't drop his ex for good he's likely going to struggle to ever get over that relationship. He's holding onto the past for a reason only he knows.

Perhaps you need to talk the relationship through with a friend or a therapist to see what it is that you are struggling with. X