My boyfriend said he doesn't love me

[Kay1908]

Hi I was just wanted some advice and have a rant really.
My boyfriend of nearly 5 years, we have had a baby together a year ago, and have bought a house with in the last 6 months turned around to me and said he doesn't love me like he used to and doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Obviously I'm heartbroken but he's not been himself since the baby was born and frankly can't cope with him when he's on his own.

He has been so miserable over the last few months and I've asked him countless times if something was wrong or if he needed to see a doctor as he is so uninterested in doing anything or seeing anyone.

My family and friends have seen a change in him and believe he Is depressed.

When we had the chat he decided he was leaving more or less there and then and booked himself in a hotel for a few nights to get some space! He's not asked about our boy or how I am.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I'm just in shock and so confused

I hate to say this but look up 'the script'. Sadly I suspect sooner or later you'll find out there's another woman on the scene.

Of course it may genuinely be that he's depressed but sadly from what I've seen it does tend to be the former rather than the latter.

He does sound depressed but it could be the fact he's hiding another relationship from you. Ask friends and family, including his friends, if they know of anything. If he's depressed then medication and counselling can help. If he's fallen for another woman, then shame on him.

Sorry to hear this, it must be didficult. Are you financially ok at the moment, have you got enough money food food and bills. He might be finding it all a bit overwhelming, buying a house and having a new baby are major changes in his life. He could feel he is not a good daddy. How old is your bf, are you both working, does he have family himself. I would leave him alone atm, how did you both leave it, did he say how long he will be in a hotel..

MN will insist your bf is having an affair/another relationship.
Try and ignore that.
I suffer from severe depression and several mental health issues. On the surface I seem fine however I nearly divorced my husband when I was very unwell. I felt like I no longer loved him or cared.
I just felt helpless. I pushed him away. We argued a lot. I was in a lot of pain.
I got my medication sorted and my relationship is back to how it was; great.
He needs to go to the doctor and get some help.

@IWannaQuitTheGym

I hate to say this but look up 'the script'. Sadly I suspect sooner or later you'll find out there's another woman on the scene.

Of course it may genuinely be that he's depressed but sadly from what I've seen it does tend to be the former rather than the latter.

I looked it up and got the Irish rock band, JavaScript and Dave's Autos, among others that were even more irrelevant. Have you any more details to put in the search engine please as I should imagine it'd be a useful thing to read? Thanks.

My first thought was another woman.
Would explain why he’s in a ‘hotel’ and you are not allowed to contact him.
So sorry OP. I would use this time to sort out how you’re going to be financially independent from him and prepare for what seems to be an inevitable break up.

How old are you both?
That would be my line of thought.
A baby is a big responsibility and was he ready, even if he said he was?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, it must be a terrible blow. I'd focus on your baby and your own wellbeing for now but I do suspect that your partner may be suffering clinical depression seeing as his family have noticed that change in him. Huge life changes such as ye have just experienced can be triggers. I should imagine if there was AW you will soon hear about it and if not, then mental illness is a likely explanation. I would also approach Citizen's Advice for information about what to do ré the mortgage etc and to see if you need legal advice. All the best to you, I really do feel for you!

@2Gen it's a book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1401302289/ref=cmswwemrrmtdpp_PJZWBKWTZ5K11HNFPPAE

I was coming on to say focus on yourself.

He hasn't really left you any other option, so this is about you getting through this yourself, for you and your boy to have healthy happy lives whatever his dad does.

Who knows if it's the script (which is probably useful to read) or genuine MH problems, but he hasn't asked you to help him, he has fled.
You could drive yourself into the ground trying to rescue him and unravel what is going on with him, to your own detriment.

If it is genuine MH he will have to seek help himself and sort himself out, as he does not want your help.
Maybe if he does there will be hope for a relationship in future, but you can't put your life on hold waiting for a day which may never come.
Possibly he is manipulating you and you don't have the truth of what is going on with him, it is good to be aware of that, and observe.

Other good legal advice etc on the thread.

Maybe reduce communication with him, eg "OK. Let me know when you want to see baby, available Saturday mornings. Let me know if I can help you with anything".

Get some boundaries and a bit of structure going so you are not in limbo, leaving him to walk in and out and have all control and power over the situation.

So he gets to totally withdraw from parenting and go live it up in a hotel? He still has parenting responsibilities even if he wants out of the relationship. So when is he looking after his child next? Is he working? Is he paying money? He doesn’t get to just swan off

And as he has left, don't let him come back without some kind of plan as to what he is going to do to get help for his problems and a disclosure of his lack of commitment to you and your family.

Don't let him mess you about.
You are as important, even more important as you have DC.

No you can't just walk out and when that goes wrong walk back in.

As others say, if really does have MH issues, HE needs to want to address them himself

Excellent advice from @Moretodo

Ignore the bitter responses from others and concentrate on yourself.

Men can also suffer with a form of depression, triggered by a birth. He really does need to speak to someone about his mental health.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this in what we hope will be a very happy time

@DubiousGoals- Ah right, thank you! I'll check it out!

Sorry you are going through this @Kay1908.
Try not to explain his distance from the relationship as depression, if you do this you are making excuses for him and will cling on to the hope that once he has had help all will be well again.
Start to focus on you and your child. Work out with one of the agencies what you are entitled to as a single parent and formalise child support and visiting rights. Can you afford to keep your home?

I can’t bear the line/excuse of men being “depressed” when they decide to up sticks and abandon their families
Like they deserve sympathy for their plight
Disgusting

@Kay1908

Hi I was just wanted some advice and have a rant really. My boyfriend of nearly 5 years, we have had a baby together a year ago, and have bought a house with in the last 6 months turned around to me and said he doesn't love me like he used to and doesn't want to be with me anymore.

Obviously I'm heartbroken but he's not been himself since the baby was born and frankly can't cope with him when he's on his own.

He has been so miserable over the last few months and I've asked him countless times if something was wrong or if he needed to see a doctor as he is so uninterested in doing anything or seeing anyone.

My family and friends have seen a change in him and believe he Is depressed.

When we had the chat he decided he was leaving more or less there and then and booked himself in a hotel for a few nights to get some space! He's not asked about our boy or how I am.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I'm just in shock and so confused

Hi all thank you for all your messages the relationship is not worth saving and I'm not going to fight for it so that's it really.

Has anyone had to live with their ex and did it work out for short term?