I think I need a FWB

[TrophyWinner]

But I also know I'd be really awful at it 😆

Sex is important to me, I enjoy it and miss it since DH died, but for me it is a lot about the intimacy, not just the act. I don't think I'd be very good at casual sex without a connection and I think I'd feel "connected" with anyone I was having sex with regularly.

However, in every other aspect of my life I don't want a relationship. I'm financially and practically independent, have a good social life with a couple of close friends and a wide social group through varied interests. I have absolutely no desire to be tied to or to live with a man again.

As a single, middle aged woman, how you go go about getting some sex with nice people without ruining your friendships?!

What to you is the difference between sex and intimacy? Are you saying you want the "boyfriend experience"?

Tbh I think fwb only really work if it’s someone you’re already friends with. Men you meet on apps etc are going to be that interested in the F bit.

@IamGusFring

What to you is the difference between sex and intimacy? Are you saying you want the "boyfriend experience"?

Yes, I think good sex has always involved an emotional connection for me.

Arent*! Obviously 🙄

Why can't you just get a boyfriend that wants the same as you...good sex, something more casual, company but not living together. I don't live with my partner as that's what suits me.

Have you considered having a BF, whose equally independent and happy to live separately? Not everyone later in life wants to progress a relationship in the same way as when younger as there is no need when creating a family is no longer an agenda.

Yes, probably a more casual "boyfriend" is the answer but there's still a level of "coupledom" I'm not really looking for...but maybe need to accept I do need emotionally?

I’m late 30’s and have something similar. I see my boyfriend for a couple of days a fortnight. He’s got his kids 50% of the time, I’ve got mine almost all the time. We have no plans to live together, move closer, mix our finances or marry. We often go days without contact but I’m not interested in seeing anyone else and neither is he. We’ve been on a couple of holidays together which have been great. It’s been nearly 2 years now and it’s just perfect for us. I do love him to some degree, I certainly enjoy his company as much as I do with any of my best friends and the sex is incredible.

I think as long as you’re clear from the outset what you want and the other person isn’t using you as a fuck buddy while shagging others (unless you’re ok with that) and isn’t overly needy then it works. There’s lots of men in the same position - enjoying their freedom and not wanting to get overly emotionally or financially tied.

As a FWB option, I’d be very cautious with existing friends as to whether there would be someone in a similar situation where no strings sex could be on the cards, enabling a level of intimacy and not ruining a friendship or getting to a position where you’re both after different things

The alternative is dating and advertising what your goals in a relationship are
I’d again be wary of adversing that you are after a level of non committal sex. As a man I read that as sex with no commitment - either a one night stand or a woman who may be there when I want.

Minimise mention of the physical element, but there’s nothing wrong with detailing that you are after a lighter / friendly relationship with independence.

At ‘middle age’ there will be many men in the same position, set in life and after a relationship that does not have to be marriage

As a summary - don’t go into the sex life, cover independent, and your interests.
Then go on dates, get a measure of each other and move on from there

The kind of relationship you describe OP is not uncommon IME. I have a number of friends and lovers. We all want our independence, friends, family, social life, hobbies and interest, but without the full on M/F traditional type of relationship.
So meeting once or twice a week, catch up phone calls, odd weekends away.
Meeting for coffee, lunch, dinner, cinema, day out experiences etc.
Absolutely love this way of living.
Have read up on Relationship Anarchy. It may help.

Join online dating;be clear your looking for a casual relationship and aren't looking to get involved.

Maybe word it as looking for a companion who enjoys the fun side of a relationship without having to commit.

I'd maybe look at OLD which specifically deal with older people rather than tinder etc

I'm mid 40s, divorced, grown up kids. I live an hour way from my BF of 3 years, and we see each other every weekend. It works great for me. I look forward to seeing him and I look forward to coming home. I'm completely independent financially, have plenty of time to myself, but still have all the benefits of being in a relationship. You just need to find someone on the same wavelength.

I would say a FWB situation can be tricky.

Speaking from experience if you go for someone who is a good friend already, there is a very good chance that this could ruin your friendship.

If you go for someone you meet OLD you will come across a lot of casual sex seekers who won't care much about you having a good experience, connection or the friendship part of the bargain. They are likely to disappear very quickly as well rather than wanting to pursue a long term FWB arrangement.

If you don't enjoy casual sex you are better off trying to find someone who is equally independent and has no interest in marriage/living together/kids but who is still going to want to develop a connection beyond just sex.

I was you last year. Lost my DH, very independent and stable. I wanted sex badly 😂

I found an amazing FWB - online. He gave me physical intimacy too (we are both very cuddly and tactile people) and now we repositioned our relationship - seeing each other regularly but no pressure, exclusive, enjoying steady friendship.

It is doable with a person who is as independent as you are, with a healthy attachment style and not pushing for full on relationship. But you both need to be on the same page, otherwise it won’t work