Is it normal to still think about him a lot 11 months after breakup even though I don't want him back?

[Teatimes2]

We broke up last February after 5 years together when he told me he never loved me. I've gone completely no contact since, have worked a lot on healing myself, I want nothing more to do with him, but I can't seem to get him/ the breakup out of my head, even though I don't want to be thinking about him. Is this still normal after 11 months and how long before I think about him most days? I just want him out of my head now!

Of course. At one point he was a big part of your life. It just takes time

When I broke up with my first love after 4 years, I thought about him regularly for a couple of years, although for 6-9 months of those I would have gotten back with him if he wanted.

My second long term relationship (7years), I still think of him over a year on, although it's getting more occasional now. I have never wanted to get back with him

Wow, you wouldn't be human if you weren't still trying to make sense of that.

He must have destroyed your confidence. He's the idiot though. You spent five years with a man you loved. He spent five years with a woman he never loved? What an idiot. How passive and indecisive of him. He wasted your time.

As soon as your brain has sifted through it all and you've concluded that this was nothing to do with you and everything to do with him, you will hopefully cease to need more answers.

Sometimes the answers never come but the question loses its importance.

xxxx

PS thinking about somebody can be a habit.

You say you want him out of your head and every time he pops in to your head now, think about something else. Forcefully push the thought out. break the habit of thinking about him.

I do believe it becomes a habit. I ended it with the most commitment phobic man I've ever made the mistake of getting involved iwth just before I started a new job, and there's a stretch of road from work to the bus stop, and I used to think of him walking down that road, long after I was able to go all day at work not thinking about him. But that route to the bus stop was triggering me, reminding me that in the early days I'd got through my new job and then my brain had reverted to obsessing over it/him as soon as I walked towards home.

I broke the habit. I listened to podcasts on the route home, i put my earphones in before I got in to the lift. I didn't give my brain space to idly meander back to him. I kept it busy.

I'm with you OP-and all the PPS too- I was also with a passive commitment phobe- wouldn't want him back- got a new BF now who is really nice (still early days obvs)
And yet there are still areas that are triggers for me- I am working hard to try and change them - but I am finding it hard- in fact, I am avoiding my local town centre entirely which I need to sort out but I just can't face seeing him!

I would say it's normal- but all help and advice welcome!

@UserBot989 Yes, I was shocked at how cold and emotionless he was at the end when he expressed how he really felt about me (after me asking him). In hindsight there were red flags I ignored which I'd be much more conscious of now. I know anyone is entitled to end a relationship for any reason but I think I would have stopped thinking about things more quickly if he ended things in a respectful way. I felt used. He's had many breakups, I haven't, so maybe that's why it's still occupying space in my head.

@crochetmonkey74 I too am avoiding a certain area still. I know I'll get over that with time too. But I don't want to see him or have anything to do with him.

Teatimes2

We will recover- definitely, it will take time and also I think Covid has helped/ not helped equally.
It's helped in that it has left nothing else to do but face it and process it - as we have all had massively curtailed social lives/ holidays that might push you on a bit. For me, I haven't really left my town- I know I feel better when I do. It hasn't helped to never have any distractions really. I'm just trusting myself to know when to stop avoiding places- the irony is - It was my home town for YEARS before I met him- I have had other break ups here- but I think having it happen in Covid has made everything worse - I have been much more 'traumatised' by it