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Original poster

Should I wait?

8 replies

justmemyselfandi1971 · 10/01/2022 00:37

I hope ladies can help me kindly.

For the longest time I never forgot about my soulmate who I split with years ago. We both married, I was caught in a vulnerable situation after we split and my ex husband took charge and seemed to be the answer to my prayers. He was in fact a dreadful narcissist and I suffered a very emotionally abusive relationship and he had multiple affairs which destroyed my self confidence.

After we split I think I have my life back together and I recognise that I'm a good, worthy person, I'm a good friend and I'm kind. I have forgiven my ex husband for his treatment of me so that I can continue to be the best person I can be for myself and my children.

A few years ago I bumped into my soul mate which has totally rocked my world and I know he feels the same. He is married with children but we communicated after bumping into each other and we have deep conversations and we both acknowledge we are soul mates and should have ended up together.

His most recent messages have said that we will end up together, I just need to give him time. We don't discuss what will happen in order for that to happen as I do acknowledge that in order for my dream scenario to happen his wife's world has to be shattered and I've been that woman. I do however have an overwhelming force of fate that we are destined to be together.

We don't need to speak often, just at weekends mainly as we both have busy careers and lives. we have a connection which is deeper than a needy desire for contact and of course I wouldn't feel it was right to see him while he is with his wife.

If anyone has had this situation how did they deal with it? Did they wait for the marriage to end or did they give up? A few years with indications of a future together makes me feel as though I'm pinning my hopes on something that may not happen although I know it would be perfect if it did.

Really grateful to anyone who can provide me with some guidance on how to deal with this period of inertia.

Thank you

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 10/01/2022 00:40

No, you should not wait, you should get on with your own life and leave him to his. Don't fiddle about with married men, you are worth more.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2022 00:43

Op, youd think after having had one abusive arsehole in your life you'd have wised up a bit. Soul mate? *Face palm.

The guy is an asshole. He has a family. And fyi, no matter what he might tell you, he is still sleeping with his wife.

Dont be a fool a second time. ...or a third rather, seen as you already had something with this married man before.

Block him and take the freedom programme online as it sounds like narcissists are extra attracted to you and you still can't see them. I guarantee you, he is exactly the same thing as that abusive ex. Exactly.the.same.

Pinkbonbon · 10/01/2022 00:56

And out of curiosity, you say you wont do anything with him whilst he is with his wife. But has HE suggested it?

Also, what timeframe has he given for leaving? Surely he breaks up within a week, leave her and the children the house, files for divorce and that's it, done. No? Why not?

And why is it, that if his marriage is a farce, and has been for a decade, he hasnt left? Why has he deprived this poor woman of her chance to be with someone who actually respects her for ten whole years?

And don't tell me he gives you the 'for the kids' bullshit. Because that's just fucking insulting. If a man loves his kids, he respects his wife. This guy, is just a lowlife.

MMmomDD · 10/01/2022 01:03

OP - you are 51, not 15.
Soulmates and deep connection, ending up together one day, …

You are both in your midlife. You remember past relationship that was when you were younger, and before your bad marriage.
It’s nice to remember younger love.
But you did break up. Clearly it wasn’t working back then, you just chose to not remember that.
Now he is feeding your romantic fantasy that must sound nice, after the years of unhappiness.

He is, I am guessing, in an OK marriage. Not too exciting but not too bad. He likes the memory of the past and the fantasy of some different future. Nothing specific, but a fantasy to escape to in his head.
It’s nice to him to know there is a backup, in case his marriage falls apart.

Don’t waste your life being stuck in the past. Or being his backup.
If there was this strong pull and deep feelings on his side - he’d be making firm plans. And he’d not be wasting his W’s time - as she could still go and meet someone.

Indulge yourself with this walk through the memory lane for a bit. But do date and see if you can meet someone who actually wants to be with you.

And, btw - I also had bumped to an ex I was in love with in my 20-30s. And I did miss him for a long time after we broke up. And I did have the flush of memories when we saw each other. We talked for a while after seeing each other. It helped me make sense of lots of things that went on back then. And yes - he also talked about being soulmates and ending up together one day. So part of your story sounds familiar.
But you also need to try to remember why the relationship didn’t work. There is always a reason.

Original poster
justmemyselfandi1971 · 10/01/2022 01:50

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate these replies. ❤️

I was typing my post and I actually thought to myself WTF am I doing and the "you're 51 not 15" comment resonated and smarted a little. It's true and I think I'm holding on to what was actually a really happy period of my life which is history. We did split due to some outside pressures that we both found overwhelming and I didn't deal with them well. I know he also has a lot of regrets about that time also.

For now I know I need to focus on myself and why I have wasted the last few years waiting for messages I want to hear. I never contact him first but check messages constantly at weekends as that's when he messages. He hasn't messaged this weekend at all.

I think I do attract narcissist characters and I feel disappointed in myself that I think my future happiness depends on someone else unhappiness (his wife's) and certainly do
not want to be a back up plan as I know I am worthy of so much more.

His last messages although not fished for told me what I wanted to hear but I agree it could be an escape from his reality and let's face it who has an exciting marriage all the time?

I genuinely feel a connection but I need to let go of what feels like a potential perfect ending to a fateful heart connection meeting after so many years. I've just deleted all the "I never forgot about you, I dream of you, I always loved you, we will end up together" messages and I think your considered responses confirmed what I probably knew.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 10/01/2022 03:52

He s not your soul mate as there is no such thing. You cannot seriously think that there is only one person out of eight billion that you can have a deep romantic connection with. He is not a good person, he is a liar and a cheat to his wife and he is stringing you along preventing you from having a relationship you can call your own.

teaandchocolate1 · 10/01/2022 03:57

He just sees you as a shag. He's not your soulmate. Men say a lot to get into a woman's pants.

SunflowerTed · 10/01/2022 04:01

@justmemyselfandi1971

I hope ladies can help me kindly.

For the longest time I never forgot about my soulmate who I split with years ago. We both married, I was caught in a vulnerable situation after we split and my ex husband took charge and seemed to be the answer to my prayers. He was in fact a dreadful narcissist and I suffered a very emotionally abusive relationship and he had multiple affairs which destroyed my self confidence.

After we split I think I have my life back together and I recognise that I'm a good, worthy person, I'm a good friend and I'm kind. I have forgiven my ex husband for his treatment of me so that I can continue to be the best person I can be for myself and my children.

A few years ago I bumped into my soul mate which has totally rocked my world and I know he feels the same. He is married with children but we communicated after bumping into each other and we have deep conversations and we both acknowledge we are soul mates and should have ended up together.

His most recent messages have said that we will end up together, I just need to give him time. We don't discuss what will happen in order for that to happen as I do acknowledge that in order for my dream scenario to happen his wife's world has to be shattered and I've been that woman. I do however have an overwhelming force of fate that we are destined to be together.

We don't need to speak often, just at weekends mainly as we both have busy careers and lives. we have a connection which is deeper than a needy desire for contact and of course I wouldn't feel it was right to see him while he is with his wife.

If anyone has had this situation how did they deal with it? Did they wait for the marriage to end or did they give up? A few years with indications of a future together makes me feel as though I'm pinning my hopes on something that may not happen although I know it would be perfect if it did.

Really grateful to anyone who can provide me with some guidance on how to deal with this period of inertia.

Thank you

Block him! He is stringing you along. Also if he is prepared to have an emotional affair behind his wife’s back he is NOT soulmate material.
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