Should I ask her

[KiltedDad]

So I was recently married and one of my wife's friends made a comment on the wedding day about her favourite memory of them was being naked in a hotel. I asked my wife later what she meant and she laughed it off saying they shared a room at a function and she got up through the night for the loo and was naked and her friend laughed at this. I'm not convinced. I know this was before we were met but I have the feeling she's lying to me about it. My last wife left me for another woman so I'm pretty nervous about this sort of thing. It may well be as innocent as she says but I really need clarity. Should I ask her and if so how do I approach it?

Why are you not convinced by her answer?

It sounds plausible to me. Maybe it has triggered you because of the past betrayal. Try to explain this to her.

I'm not convinced because of the hotel... it's literally 2 miles from where they both live so doesn't make sense to pay for a hotel so close to home. And not a cheap hotel. I appreciate its maybe triggered something in me but she was so quick to move the topic on its got me thinking why

I don't think it would be wise to ask. It sounds true.

Out of interest... why are you so sure it's true?

Mind your own business and get therapy if you have issues. Don't put the burden of your paranoia on your wife who has done nothing wrong.

This incident, whatever it was, predates you and has no bearing on your relationship. Your wife in under no obligation whatsoever to justify, explain, or defend her past to you. You had better get a grip before you fuck up this marriage with your insecurities.

The thing is, she’s already given you an explanation and you don’t believe it. So if you ask her again, how likely is it that you’ll be prepared to believe her then? Even if there is more to it, it happened long before she knew you. If it was a man who’d said it, would it bother you? Would you be concerned it might mean she’d go off with another man? Or would you just accept that she’d had experiences with others before she met you? Pushing this further sounds like it is you looking for reassurance regarding your own insecurities, we often think that getting an answer or reassurance will help, it rarely does - if she repeats the same explanation it seems unlikely that it will convince you.

Maybe it has a spa. Or maybe they both just fancied staying somewhere fancy. If the were having sex then they could also have done that at home you know. Seriously mate, get done councilling for your past traumas before it ruins your future relationships.

Also, on the off chance she is bi, so what, she chose you.

How could this be anything else but what your wife has explained to you? They stayed over after a function. Do you think her friend would be openly talking about having sex with your wife in a hotel, on her/your wedding day?

You sound paranoid.
You just got married and it should be a happy honeymoon stage. Instead you are relieving your past trauma.
Are you sure you are ready for this marriage?
I feel sorry for your bride.

It’s mental to assume that her friend was talking about their night of passionate lesbian adventure at her friend’s wedding.

If you don’t believe her - this isn’t a way to start a marriage. Annul it and put everybody out of misery.

Everyone has a past, whether what your wife has said is true or not, it was before you met so it's really none of your business.

Why would she lie to you? Would you try stop her seeing her friend? If not and it wouldn't change anything, why would she lie?

Fwiw I've seen my female friends naked and they've seen me naked too, I've also shared hotel rooms and beds with them too. Nothing ever happened, we're all straight and not attracted to each other, we're just comfortable.

If it was a function and the function was at the hotel then it would make sense they stayed regardless of it being close to their homes. Maybe it was paid for as part of the function or maybe they decided to treat themselves.

I think you're letting your past cloud your judgement on this and that isn't fair to your wife, you need to let this one go I think

One of my best friend's helped me shower when i had a broken leg and my husband was away. I was very shy but we just ended up cracking up together and its a very funny happy memory we share together. I think the friend was trying to say your new wife is adorable and fun. That is all.

Thanks for that last post. I really didn't think of it like that. What you just said was like a switch in my head. Thank you so much

Agree with Geppilli. Was probably just a giggly girls evening and nothing really happened, one of those 'you had to be there' times for it to be funny.

I’ve stayed at a hotel very close to home with a friend. It was to get away from every day stress and be pampered at a spa.

Why travel for something like this if it’s on your doorstep?

I agree with others though that it was before she met you and is none of your business.
She had a life before you.

You need counselling before you ruin this marriage because it’s only a matter of time before you feel insecure about something else she does/ says.

It sounds perfectly plausible to me. When I was in my early 20s I used to wander around naked in front of my best female friend with no from time to time and she did with me. I never so much as kissed her, never mind slept with her.

You can't start interrogating your wife and punishing her for things that happened before she met you. So what if something happened? It probably didn't, but if it did it, it was just a fling. She chose to marry you. Who she may or may not have been intimate with before you were together is in the past and none of your business.