Friend constantly competing getting me down

[whenwillthemadnessend]

I have a very old friend who is also the mother of my sons close mate growing up. She is a kind person and we have spent a lot of time together over the last 19 years.

But she is driving me slowly bonkers.

For example.
I am size 14 and menopausal I like cycling but I can't get my weight back what it was as a youngster and I've resigned myself to that.
Friend is always going on about how far she has run or what the doctor has said about her fitness and slim shape. She is younger than me and not in meno yet

My son was academically good in primary and did well and her and my son left pretty even pegging however her son has done exceptionally well in his senior exams and has got into a Russel group uni. My son has had some issues due to bullying and some MH issues. Getting resolved now so he hasn't done so great but I'm very proud of why he has achieved so far and he is taking a year out before uni.
My friend though keeps telling me how great her son has done. How his teachers thinks he is wonderful etc etc

Is starting to really hurt my feelings.
She knows my son has struggled the last few years but instead of asking how he is coping and how his treatment is going she just asks what his last exam results were like. Then she will tell me how great her sons were.

My son knows nothing of this. He still loves seeing his mate and no issues there.

But I'm getting really fed up. How can I deal with her

Oh god I had a friend like this it was so draining

I'm very thick skinned so would just inwardly roll my eyes
Every man was in love with her and if you believed everything she said she was rolling in money .
Because that got no reaction the little digs started
Better off without those people in your life 💯

Thanks all.
I'm going to try to rise above it and celebrate my sons improvements. It's super hard for him to do the ordinary things in life so I need to celebrate that more. All the steps he has made are a huge achievement in reality

I will try the inward rolling of eyes in future. I'm going to make a mental note of any actual support or interest I get from her that isn't competing in future and if there is none I will step back a bit and see her more as a fair weather friend. I have plenty of other friends I can confined in.

I wouldn't continue being friends with this person for the sake of being friends, just because you've been together so long. In fact I'd go no contact if possible. You owe no explanation

I didn't take her to be mean until the last lines where she asked what your sons grades were with no question about his mental health

Are you sure they it’s not you who is competing?

The OP has said she has other friends with ‘bragable’ assets who don’t make her feel
like this…because they don’t brag abliutvthem. I don’t think she trying to compete, just not feel put down. I totally get that it’s the way something is delivered that gets OPs back up.

Your son is a rockstar OP. When we are consumed by mental illness just being able to continue on in daily life is a win. And he is certainly showing that in spades. Be proud of who he is and what he is achieving and acknowledge that you are part of that alongside him. Give yourself a break. Your 'friend' sounds like she needs constant validation, if you are happy to give her that then that's ok, if not then step back. Your son has faced some of his stuff, she by the sounds of it has not, so what he has been through will probably be terrifying for her. That's all ok. Just start seeing her for what she is.

Thank you @coffeeisthebest
I needed to hear that. I've been brewing over it all weekend
Need to kick myself
Up the arse now.

@whenwillthemadnessend, good, I feel like you were sliding into some pretty negative dialogue inspired by someone who needs a doctor to tell her she is pretty and slim and then runs to her friend to show off about what the doctor said...Let her jog on with that and you carry on with what you are doing.

Funnily enough, I have a friend who is competitive about how bad her life is. Everything is harder/worse/more challenging for her than me. Even the death of my lovely parent turned into a ‘you’re lucky, I …..’ conversation
I really love her in so many ways and so get over this in my head by making myself think of her struggles with sympathy, as otherwise it’s infuriating tbh. I haven’t had many exceptional problems (thank god) but now if I do I don’t really share them with her cos it’s so hurtful when she brushes it off with something worse that’s happened to her.
She really has some great points too which is why I stick with her but I see her less than I used to because of it. Friendship can be challenging sometimes!!

It doesn't matter if this is about her being a bragger or you being sensitive.

She is making you feel bad.

You don't need to continue.