Anyone else leave a narcissist?

[Novababy21]

I am 4 years on from leaving, and divorced 3.

I share custody of our child (10) with the exH.

However even after 4 years he still makes life difficult for me, is very inflexible with childcare arrangements, ie it's his way or no way.
I work shifts which includes nights and weekends and he expects me to not work if I have our son.
He currently works from home, as he cannot handle working for anyone else. He also has mental health/anxiety issues and his latest obsession is being an anti-vaxer.

I would look at going to court but I genuinely don't think I can afford it, but he still controls me via the out child.

Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with this?
TIA

What would you be going to court for exactly?

Can't you just ignore his silly comments? he's not the boss of you!

Who looks after your son when you're at work then?

Work whenever you want. He isn't the boss of you. Provided your kid has someone to keep an eye on him whilst your at work.

If he asks in future, tell him it's none of his buisness when you work.

Look up the grey rock technique. Never discuss anything with him other than stuff to do with the kid. If he tries to talk about other stuff, hang yo the phone/walk away.

You have to start showing your boy that it is not OK for men to treat women like this. By not being slow to tell your ex to sod off if he tries to trample your boundaries.

Hopefully your boy will tell him to sod off I a few years anyway though. Most teen boys don't like spending time with men who have abused their mothers.

*you're

Yes. I used grey rock. You need to be boring and bland.

Grey rock all the way my ex is the same he is currently on the antivaxxer bandwagon he has had one jab with zero side effects but doesn't want more for.....some unclear reason I have no issue with him not taking the jab but he needs to stop putting pressure on ds to follow him its his choice at age 13 really (anyway I digress)

I end up "managing" my ex and grey rocking him its a lot of mmhm mmhm mmhm when we are talking and basically not answering intrusive questions if he screams snd shouts I close the door or hang up on him the last time I pointed out to him we arnt married anymore I DO NOT have to listen to you call me back when you stop shouting

He actually did

Because you have DC with your ex as others have suggested grey rock may work as NC doesn’t really seem possible.

Leaving a narcissist is never easy. I split up with my ex-narc many years ago, am totally indifferent to him and his life yet he still continues to send me crap to attempt to triangulate. Thankfully it doesn’t work anymore. I still receive the “I love you more than life” emails from time to time but I just delete and get on with my day. He fucked my life up for a very long time and am thankful that I’m free of him finally.

Hopefully grey rocking will work for you OP.

WellDone for getting out.
They like to continue to try and control you,but you do not have to do as he says.
I know that feels scary now because you were probably under his control before and knew there would be consequences, but that was before.... just make your decisions and do not engage with his complaints or crap.
The more you stand up to him or blank him, the better you will feel and the sooner he will get lost.
At the moment you are feeding his
narcissistic personality.
I learnt the hard way,so I do speak from experience.

If you want childcare arrangements setup then get a solicitor to write to him.
A few letters back n forth should sort out a routine.
He's bound to be a prick in the negotiations but you will ultimately get control back this way.
Do not speak to him unless absolutely necessary

Look up grey rock technique for dealing with him. Communicate with him only via email. Don't get into any conversations with him unless he's asked a viable question about the dc. Only answer with one word if possible. Don't give him any information on your life if at all possible.

Regarding work, do as you need to, he's not the boss of you. If he brings it up just nod, mumble a platitude but carry on as you want to.

Thank you all.
I have looked up Grey Rock and I'm pretty much doing it anyway. I ignore any attempts to have contact, only answer any questions about DS with very limited response. I will continue, I really though after 4 years he would lose interest.

@Pinchofnom he's calmed down on the I love you messages now. He stills says to me and to your DC that I chose work over them both 😡

Hopefully @Pinkbonbon you are right, my child will always know the truth and he has seen his Dad have some awful meltdowns in front of him, where he's screamed in my face and hit and kicked things around him.

Got to drop DC off today, so will just drop and go.

Just ignore him. It’s the only thing you can do. You don’t have to have contact. Grey rock as much as possible