Scared to leave

[Mich1986]

Been with my partner for 12 years, not married but own a house together and have a 5 year old son.
We haven't ever separated before, so if I decide to leave then it will be for good.
I am terrified though, scared for the future, leaving our lovely house and upsetting our son.
I don't know how I will afford to live, rent here is high and I only work part time.
Also the thought of being with another man makes me feel sick.
My partner and I had words in the summer after a big argument, I told him I was unhappy, he said he would go back on his anti depressants and spend less time playing his computer games, things were ok for about 3 months but now it's gone back crap again. I know relationships aren't always perfect.
I just really don't know what to do, but if someone asked me if i could see myself with him in another 10 years, I would probably say no.
He isn't a bad person, he is a good dad, there is no violence, he doesn't cheat on me. But there is a lack of communication and intimacy, he can be messy and lazy and unsupportive.

I didn’t want to read and run, I have no real advice other than stay strong and plan plan plan. Do not rush leaving, make sure you have all your ducks in a row and don’t tell your partner until you are ready to go. You can do this 🥰

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. He in your view is messy, lazy and unsupportive. The fact he is not violence nor cheats on you should be your baseline for a relationship, not seen by you as some sort of bonus.

He is not a decent father to his child nor partner to you if he treats you, and in turn your son, like this. This is no relationship model to be showing your son, you would not want him to think that yes this is how men treat women would you?.

Plan your exit with due care and attention. Your house is but bricks and mortar, it’s not a home for you and your son.

How supportive are your own parents, friends here?. Call on and use all help offered to you. Look also at your boundaries in relationships and raise these a lot higher before you at all embark on any future relationship. Look also at what you have learnt about relationships till now and unlearn the rubbish through counselling for your own self.

He basically told you last time what you wanted to hear and now he’s reverted to type. This is who he is and when someone shows you who they are you need to take heed.

It may feel scary to leave but I would urge you to feel the fear and do it anyway at some point in the not too distant future. What’s the point of dragging out this miserable sounding relationship any longer than necessary for you to properly prepare your exit?.

said he would go back on his anti depressants and spend less time playing his computer games, things were ok for about 3 months but now it's gone back crap again

Why is he on antidepressants before? Is this a clinical thing or something else? Just curious?

Has he always been like this with computer games?

I'm wondering if these are coping mechanisms that are here to stay or simply part of his personality. Some men want a nice sparky woman to spread their seed.....then proceed to entirely check out and ignore their partners whilst they go off cycling, golfing or in your case, gaming. The gaming types often find it all too overwhelming and prefer to put their headphones on.

I would say that unless there is some kind of situation that can be worked upon through counselling or medication, he's making it very clear what his priority is.

I have posted basically the exact same post. I’m in the same boat, it is miserable and so confusing.