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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married to a functioning alcoholic

3 replies

lunaloo28 · 09/01/2022 17:33

I’ve been marrried for 18 years and for the past 3 years since my husband’s affair he has been drinking a lot more his always been a heavy drinker but now most days it’s a litre of whiskey , I’ve been a mess obviously from him cheating thou I’m getting over it now . He has become depressed and has panic attacks . He goes to work never drinks during the day only weekends , I’m struggling as he now don’t know if it’s the booze our relationship or his work , which is making me question our relationship. Before his affair and countless women he had phone sex with and naked pictures, we had the best marriage and now I can’t even remember what it’s like to be loved by him . Over the past few years I’ve given up my family and friends to keep him happy and now I’m alone totally alone . Living with a alcoholic makes your feel like a failure I failed as a wife . His now getting help with his drinking problem which has been a long time coming I hope he can sort his drinking and health out .is it normal for an alcoholic to be this way not knowing if he loves me not knowing what’s wrong with him other then being depressed and suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Up to a month ago he was ok we were ok other then his drinking , one evening he’d be drinking all day and he was feeling horny , I’m watching to eating ice cream listing to him Slurr and nearly hold his head up let alone perform, he then starts to play with me I found it disgusting and told him to stop and from that day on his been awful not telling me he loves me and keeping his distance. I told him why I told him to stop but I suppose he took it as rejection . I just don’t have a clue what’s going on in his head and mine to now

OP posts:
shenanigans5 · 09/01/2022 17:36

Really does sound like a horrible way to live. I think you have to leave him. Let him turn his life around if he’s able to and if not it’s not your responsibility.

Cas112 · 09/01/2022 17:39

You need to leave, clearly neither of you are happy

AD3000 · 09/01/2022 17:59

He has totally messed with your head. Stop thinking about him, what he's feeling and his problems and focus on yourself. Preferably get some support (counselling, reconnect with family) to get yourself out.

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