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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Come help me with friendships please - how do you tackle feeling let down? Am I expecting too much?

5 replies

whirlycarly · 09/01/2022 16:47

Have had a tough few months, like lots of people, I know. Am normally the supporter but have really appreciated support myself for plenty of reasons recently. People are aware of this.

A couple of long-standing friends have really let me down - in one case, trying to use me beyond any reasonable level for a free service for something I normally do as a business, and in the other, deliberately deciding to exclude me from their celebratory event (for a very resolvable reason), and letting me know this so I could reassure them I was ok with it. (I wasn't, but stayed dignified)

I'm lucky that I generally have decent friends and haven't really experienced this before - not really since school days, and I actually don't know how best to respond to feeling so hurt. I think I'm quite black and white with friendships- I do loyalty but not drama. My instincts really are to drop each of them.

Do you try and work through this stuff with people, or accept that after a single shitty incident, the friendship has run its course and move on? Is there any good way of getting through this? I really try to be considerate of others and the bit I can't get past is that in both cases I wouldn't dream of behaving in the same way if roles were reversed.

OP posts:
Badbaddog · 09/01/2022 16:54

In your shoes I would let things cool down, not make any particular effort to be in touch etc. see how you feel in a month or so. Most importantly I would examine why I felt so hurt. People can be selfish, weird, insensitive- do you always feel so hurt by friends’ off behaviour or do you normally just think they’ve got something going on with them, leave them to it? I’m other words, is there something else going on with you?

whirlycarly · 09/01/2022 17:28

Thank you , that's really astute. Recent loss and circumstances have definitely left me more sensitive. Perhaps I'm being oversensitive.

I think giving space would be my natural approach, but I'm also mindful I might not be very clear about my boundaries.

I just wish this stuff didn't happen in the first place!

OP posts:
Flickflak · 10/01/2022 01:35

This reply has been withdrawn

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whirlycarly · 10/01/2022 21:52

Thank you. I feel calmer today and have taken some positive steps to join a couple of new classes. I met some lovely people today.

I agree that the best approach is to step right back but avoid bridge burning or drama. It'll resolve itself longer term. If it doesn't, I do have other good friends, just not all very local, unfortunately.

OP posts:
trickytimes · 10/01/2022 22:55

I honestly think it’s a really weird time right now. Covid and homeschooling and everything going on has turned a lot of friendships on their head. I’m all over the place and pretty disconnected right now. It’s a stressful time. Maybe wait until Covid has calmed down to make any decisions but quietly start building new friendships

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