I don’t understand his logic

[Biggummyballs]

I keep having the same problem with my partner of three years (we are both divorced and have DC so live separately.) It goes like this:

I ask him, nicely and supportively whether I can see him more and tell him I am going to miss him or am missing him a lot if he is away

He finds this irritating and a “criticism” and a “complaint” that he is “not good enough.” This causes him to put phone down/not speak to me.

I then respond by giving him space or waiting for him to be back in touch.

He then gets back in touch and is upset with me for not reaching out and resetting things, ie restating everything is fine and I am happy with everything and the amount of time we spend together

It is a cycle that repeats and I don’t know what’s going on. If I was him I would just take my comments as a complement? They are never demanding or an ultimatum, just asking about the possibilities.

He is playing mind games with you.
Also, is irritatingly immature.

You say this - He then gets back in touch and is upset with me for not reaching out and resetting things, ie restating everything is fine and I am happy with everything and the amount of time we spend together

• but it's bullshit, isn't it? Because you are NOT happy - I ask him, nicely and supportively whether I can see him more

• just bullied into pretending to be.

Why are you putting up with being treated like this?
You are wise enough to have stayed living separately, so it won't be complicated.

He's controlling and manipulating you to get what he wants - which is to dictate exactly how much or how little time you all spend together - and he has you believing there is something wrong with you.

This will never improve.
You will never get more time with him because you want more time. He does not want more time with you.