Nasty divorce

[Designa]

Hello, I am not sure if posting on here is right but I literally ha e no where to turn.

In October I told my husband I wanted a divorce, it was a long time coming and we would both threaten if weekly. However it came as a big surprise to him. For a couple of weeks he was upset and then reached the expected angry stage.

Currently I am living upstairs in one room with a toilet off of. He has the entire downstairs to himself. Our two children voluntarily spend most of their time upstairs with me and our new puppy.

My husband is making my life an absolute misery. Every time I go downstairs to leave the house, use the kitchen, have a bath he has to make a comment or cause an argument. Mostly telling me what a bad person I am, how my parenting is awful, that friends thing I'm an idiot. Most of the time I try to ignore. He has reported me for domestic abuse which is a false accusation. This follows me reporting him for pushing me to the floor in front of our children in an attempt to get my mobile phone.

Every single dinner time involves an argent usually with me but also with our eldest son.

I have many voice recordings of these arguments and his shouting. I also have recording of my youngest (8) telling g me his dad twisted his arm, and recordings of him hurting my eldest (11).

I don't know what to do. I have emailed the police who contacted me after his allegations and they said to keep a diary. My solicitor had advised me to stay in the house as long as I can because if I leave he will likely get more access to the kids. Social services seems an extreme measure.

I have no family locally as an argument between my husband Andy father means I can no longer talk to them.

How soon before your divorce is finalised and you can leave?

We only have our first mediation session Thursday. I know he is going to drag things out so it takes as long as possible.

Sending a virtual hug op

Thank you

Do you have a solicitor?
As far as I understand from mine - when I was going through divorce - you only need to show up to one mediation, you don’t have to agree.
And if he is this nasty - you are unlikely to get anywhere. So - don’t worry about it. Go in with your proposal and don’t budge.
And- file for actual court hearing as soon as possible.

I do have a solicitor I am asking for 4 days custody and to stay in the house 3 years. He won't like it. He wants the house.
I just don't know if there is anything I can do about my current situation, to me it seems like emotional abuse but talking to the police they have just said keep a diary. I'm not even sure what for. My life is awful, I live in one room and have nowhere to go if I go out. I also don't want to leave the children too often

@Designa my heart is aching for you and I so wish I can come and rescue you from that situation, but I realize that I cannot and you do not have RL support, so you have to rely on yourself. I am surprised that your lawyer suggested to you to stay in the house since your husband is abusive, I would say that getting away from him should be the first priority. Also mediation may not work with him at all. I do not live in UK, so I was hoping some posters who do will respond to you suggesting what organizations you can call for help. I know one of them is Women's Aid. I would say that they may be able to help you and advise you. Take care and keep posting.

And - it’s true about not leaving the house. Don’t - as long as you are not in physical danger.
And do call police any time there is any intimidation towards you or the kids.

It’s hard. And it will be hard for a while. The angry stage now will get even worse as you start arguing about money. He may snap.
It happened to a friend - her exH became physically aggressive. She was in shock the first time around and didn’t call the police. I had to tell her over and over that she must.
Of course it happened again and she did.
It helped. He had to fall in line and behave better. But it was still almost 2years before he actually moved out - after all was finalised.

In your place - I’d also involve SS - especially as you have evidence of aggression directed at the kids.

Have you spoken to woman's aid?

You need to tell the mediation people that he has been violent towards you and is now verbally and emotionally abusive towards you daily. You are not suitable for mediation, shuttle mediation could be considered.

I would speak to WA about going into a refuge with the DC - they shouldn't be subject to that atmosphere

If he lays a finger on you again or starts to frighten call 999.

I have been in contact with a local charity similar to woman's aid. They seem slow at responding. I don't think he will get physical again, he's too clever for that.

I have requested shuttle mediation.

It's the mental health of my children I'm worried about. I take them out when I can, but bad weather and limited finances don't help. He also works from home so there is absolutely no respite.

Everything I say anything he threatens to report me for abuse.

I let the kids have a night off from brushing their teeth last week because they were in bed after a film, and he threatened to make a note and report me to the police.

Am I even allowed to be recording him? I do it automatically now whenever I go downstairs. My memory is terrible and it helps me keep a log of things. He also changes his mind regarding how he wants the divorce to work out. Its mentally draining