I cross posted because I didn't get a reply on AIBU.
I keep going from 'I'm being a complete selfish cow' to 'There is a reason I'm feeling like this'. Please help me out.
Been married 10 years. We live abroad. Had our first child 6 months ago and have just gone back to work (We work at the same company and see each other all day). Pregnancy was extremely difficult with no support available in this country so just had to get on with it. We live here because the life style, cost of living and climate is better than the UK. I am overweight. Husband has a back problem and has recently put on ALOT of weight, I would now consider him obese. He is able to get about fine but (I know this is extremely shallow!) he is clearly unhealthy. I know this is due to the amount of candy he eats.
My question is - since the birth of the baby I have been feeling unhappy. I've never been confident with my own body but always haven't been bothered about being naked in front of my husband. Now I hate to be naked in front of him. I am also now finding I am not attracted to him. I find myself (cruelly) staring at his overgrown beard or his body. I don't want to be intimate with him (or anyone for that matter) but force myself to because I feel like it's not fair on him. When I was on maternity leave the house was always immaculate and the baby happy. I would always have to prompt him about it because he wouldn't notice. Now I'm back at work (my job is a lot more stressful than his - even though we work at the same place we have different job roles) I'm struggling to keep up with the housework. So he's gone completely the other way and is doing everything for me to the point that I'm not even allowed to feed the baby 'because you need to relax because you've had a stressful day.' I've tried to tell him it makes me feel inadequate and I want to look after the baby but he just doesn't listen. Then when we go to work he likes to tell everyone that he is this amazing dad that does everything around the house. I kinda feel like he thinks I'm a shit mum. I don't think he appreciates anything I do. I always say thank you to him when he has done the laundry or the washing up etc. I just feel like we are more roomates than anything else at this point. Do you think it's over? Am I the problem here? What can I do to fix it?