Feel so alone, just need an impartial ear

[Spanielmom]

God where to start. Been married (2nd time) for 17 years have 3 grown girls from prev and a 15 year old son. My husband is a lot younger than me and has always been a bit immature but I've forgiven stupidity and thought we were muddling along.
Recently tho his behaviour has me worried. He became a bit depressed during lockdown due to lack of work. I didn't realise tho he was shirking his side of the household bills and his own debts.
He started asking my DD to borrow money just small amounts rather than come to me but obviously they've ended up telling me out of concern.
Hes lost dramatic amounts of weight to the point the girls think hes possibly on drugs. He now has a good job but the house never seems to benefit from the pay I pay the bulk even tho I now earn a bit less because I've recently changed jobs because of my mental health.
It came to a head the last week and I've confronted him. I asked out right was he on drugs or gambling both of which he denied but told me he had gone to a loan shark and borrowed £1000 which hes paying back double.
I was furious that he'd been so stupid and that he could have put me and my son in danger. He cried apologised and I made him sit and budget with me to sort it. I was actually shocked when he told me how much he earns I had no idea. Easily enough to clear this debt help more with the household bills and pay all his own. I just don't understand how he's in arrears with so much yet has all this money going thru his wallet. We made a plan that I would control his main job wages and he would have his weekend job money.
The following day he went back on this and said he just wanted to sort it himself.
I'm now sat not even wanting to be with him because I'm convinced there's more to it.
He has 2 loans which I have guarantored and joint household debt that he was paying but we are now very much in arrears but I can't afford to cover them. I'm sick and tired because this is the first time in years that I'm happy in my job and my anxiety has dropped and now all this crap.i have no one to turn to as I have very few friends I just hope someone can relate and help.

I'm sorry, I can't offer advice, but I would definitely say there is something going on.
I would guess either coke or gambling - coke would be my first thought, as it fritters away money at an alarming rate.

Have you a suspicion what the actual issue is?

Trust your instinct. There is more to it.

Protect yourself and your kids and start building a 'war chest' of money. Move it out of any joint accounts and into your own name.

It certainly sounds like there’s something else going on whether it’s drugs or maybe gambling? Any other evidence (apart from the weight loss)? It does sound very difficult if he won’t sit down and resolve it with you.
Keep digging and don’t let him brush you off - I’ve seen similar with a relative and what she first discovered was the tip of the iceberg.
Sorry op, it sounds very stressful.

It sounds to me like there’s more to this, and you may never find out what it is.
Ducks in a row time, protect yourself and your kids financially.

Did I understand correctly, that you are the guarantor on two of his loans?

That is very, very worrying

Can you have him prioritise paying off these two loans?

He needs to set up a direct debit into your a/c to cover the debt & living costs, then he can look after the rest .
I agree with a possible drug habit .

Thank you all.
Someone asked any other concerns. His sleep pattern is one. He works from 7pm to 4am on weekends and if he was able he'd sleep all day. For his regular day job I have to wake him before I leave at 7am and keep calling to check on him till i know hes out of bed as he's slept in once or twice to the point he's missed half a day's work.
The reason I wasn't convinced it was drugs is that he seems normal the rest of the time. He's always been one who could sleep for England so that didn't concern me too much.
I've even looked up high functioning drug habit and , yes a few signs are similar. I just don't know when he can be doing it. His job is manual and he drives all day too so I ask myself how could he do this if he was also taking cocaine.
I am protecting myself and our son. I've already looked into how I would cope with him not being there and I'd managed perfectly fine financially. I have a few minor debts which will be cleared within weeks so I'm not worried on that score.
I'm going to try to get thru to him today that he needs to start as someone said paying into my account so I can pay all of the household bills. Then tbh I feel like saying, do what the hell you want after then. Its me and my son I need to look out for