Should I leave my relationship?

[GayleX]

Hi everyone. I need some advice, my family have said what I am going through is a form of abuse but I suppose I wanted someone's opinion that doesn't know my partner. We have been together for 9 years, since we were 18. He is a recovering gambling addict and smokes cannabis ALOT.. He has always had a bad temper, he was arrested twice for smashing up my house in a rage at the start of the relationship. He cannot handle our 4 young children so I always have to make sure they are quiet/no fighting/ dont get in his face too much or he will shout at them quite badly. When something annoys him he will throw things to scare us, slam doors, shout and swear. In the last 2 years things have been terrible. He will shout at me, name call and throw things to make me cry for no reason and refuses to comfort me. Its like he makes up a reason to be mad at me. 3 days ago he got in a rage over the children fighting and because i asked him to calm down he flung my babys bottle over my face and said it was my fault, I'm always nagging, always wrong. He has spoke to me once since and it was nasty. I feel like he's waiting on me to apologise. Should I? I don't know what I done wrong. Is this abuse? Should I get out? I love him and I feel like I can't be with anyone else so I guess I'm scared to leave. Thanks for reading

Yes this is abuse. This is a toxic environment to bring your children up in. What exactly do you love about him? Get out.

I was once in a relationship like this. He was good looking and my self esteem was low - I didn’t think I would find someone else!
The best thing I ever did was get shot of him and I now have a wonderful husband.
Life is too short to live like this.

Is this for real? Imagine somebody else said that to you, you would tell them to leave. You need to go for your childrens sake as well as your own that is not a good environment for kids. Smoking cannabis is also totally wrong, who pays for his drugs i bet he doesnt contribute enough financially either? Get rid of him you would be better off. You and your kids deserve better. They are your priority now not him.

Yes, it is abuse. Yes, you would be best to get out.

Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme can support you.

Awful abuse op. Please get away from him. You can't let the kids grow up thinking this is a normal home environment. Or they will think they should tolerate this abuse from partners too.

A partner should never make you feel scared or intimidated or unsafe. No one should. If they do, they are a bully and should have no place in your life.

Get away and do the freedom program online so that you never end up in an abusive relationship again.

Yes this is absolutely 100% abuse. He sounds horrible and you deserve better. This anger and behaviour risks impacting your children significantly. As pp said this is completely toxic.

Have a look on YouTube about narcissistic abuse. There is a lot you can learn from this, educate yourself and your eyes will be opened.

Contact women's aid for support.

Leaving might feel impossible and it might take time to plan and prepare for properly. Don't tell him you are planning to if you do.

Well done for coming to terms with the idea that this is not okay... I'm sorry to hear you've had to endure this.

Absolutely abuse. Bet he doesn't scream at other adults like this. He is a bully picking on his partner and children. He is not a good man, not even a man tbh. LTB you are worth much more. Your children deserve a peaceful relaxed home not living with an abusive cxxx.

Absolutely abuse! And if your family has been telling you this, sounds to me as if they know your 'partner' better than you do!

Sounds as if you have family that will help you in leaving. Please, please tell them you're ready and ask them to help you get out. And if they say 'just pack a bag and come' then do it! The rest can be figured out later.

You do love him.

You are kind to him. You try and make him happy. You don't frighten him. Or damage his property. You love him.

But if he loved you...I wonder why he would do these things?

Do you think something might be not quite right about him? He has two addictions, he is violent, he doesn't act like a good father...maybe something quite serious is wrong inside him? What do your family think?

Do you know what? Although he's saying it is your fault, he knows it isn't. He's saying that because I don't think he can say sorry. Or control himself. So when he does bad things, he pretends it is you. Has he ever said sorry to you before?

Did you have a favourite teacher at school? What would they think about him?

When you got together...did you think it would be like this?

Yes you absolutely should leave 100%. Contact Women’s Aid for support.

This is no way to live

Yes.

You are not going to get any other advice than GET OUT NOW its likely to get worse

He sounds like a disgusting bully. LTB!

You should ring the police and tell them you feel physically intimidated and under threat on your own behalf and your children's.

It is abuse. He should leave and address his temper problems. Nevermind you apologising -he's not good enough for you as a husband or as a father.

No one should be so desperate for a relationship that they live in fear and misery rather than break up.

Yes, you need to separate. What are your circumstances? Do you have anyone who can support you or anywhere you can go? Who pays the rent/mortgage? And do you think he would be willing to leave?