Difficult breakup/possible emotional abuse

[JLBear12]

This is my first time posting. My fiance of 5 and half years left me 2 months ago. All my self esteem and self confidence has completely gone. I feel addicted to the person and a friend has suggested I could be trauma bonded to a narcissist. Looking at the relationship there were many incidents of emotional abuse including sulking, silent treatments and gaslighting. His needs had to be put first always and was very passive aggressive if he didnt get his own way. He would walk out and ghost me for 24 hours. The beginning of the relationship was so so intense, everything moved really quick. I found out he left me for somebody else who he is also moving very quickly with. He showed no real emotions unless it was to get something and had no empathy for anyone. Could my friend be right, have I just dodged a bullet with a narcissist xx

Hello, it sounds like you’ve really dodged a bullet. Horrid for you to have to endure his behaviour for so long, I’m sorry. Im married to one of these and if I could turn back the clock and have him run off before we got married I would do so gratefully. Enjoy your life

Thanks for the reply, I am finding it very difficult to accept I was emotionally abused but I think I need to admit that to myself x

Yes it is hard to accept.
It was new to me this year too and I felt like I had to leave the reality I’d been living in. It was very difficult. Now I’m planning to leave with two kids in tow. You can choose a good partner and a good dad for kids if you want to have them.

I have a 9 year old special needs daughter, I thought he was a good stepdad so it's hard to swallow it was just an act so he could be a parasite in our lives. I feel quite sorry for the new victim she has no idea what's coming xx

I am 10 weeks down from leaving my emotionally abusive husband who I believe is also a narcissist.

I also have a sen child. Though deep down he wasn't a good step dad. Time is a healer, there will be good days and bad. It's ok to feel all the emotions too - there is a lot.

My advice is to start a diary. Write in it daily about how you feel. Then in the back, write down all the examples of why you think you were abused. What happened for him to give you the silent treatment. Everytime you think of an example, write it down.

It will help you on your wobbly days. It will help you to realise your worth.

I am having weekly therapy which I would recommend if you can afford to do so. Again, write everything in your diary. Honestly, I'm so glad I started one. If I miss him or feel sad, I read my diary and remember why I'm better off alone

Thanks, I have a 30 minute free consultation on Tuesday with a therapist to see if she can help, she is abuse and trauma trained. I cant actually believe how many of these creatures roam amongst us x

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship too, and only realised when it ended. I am generally a strong, independent woman so accepting that I had been emotionally abused, in a toxic relationship and under my ex's spell was extremely disconcerting. I found the book 'Whole Again' by Jason Mackenzie very helpful when dealing with this. Good luck x

Unfortunately he may well boomerang back to you in a few days/weeks/months or even years! Narcissists do sadly so please be ready for that and prepare yourself 💐💐💐

@OzziePopPop

Unfortunately he may well boomerang back to you in a few days/weeks/months or even years! Narcissists do sadly so please be ready for that and prepare yourself 💐💐💐

10 weeks down and im still being bombarded. He's making it impossible for me to heal but I am slowly becoming stronger

I am struggling with jealousy over his new gf who he replaced me with and also the trauma bond, it's all so messed up in my head x

It maybe sad and difficult now but looks like you've dodged a bullet! He sounds very abusive. Remember how you felt all the times he gave you the silent treatment and gaslighted you.
He sounds like a nutjob