Hi guys,
Before I go into this, please don’t be horrible.
So from when I was young I was sexually abused by a family member, I then was assaulted at 15. I didn’t have much family support at all, I was drinking quite a bit to deal with the trauma and ended up being raped at 18, before then I was a virgin. I was quite off the rails to cope, I was drinking a lot! And compared to the Asian community I live in im very westernised so immediately was labelled all sorts of names just due to being how I am. I was soon labelled a slag and all sorts although I had just gotten into a relationship and it was my first time consenting someone. I had quite a few male friends but nothing happen with them. Although rumours were everywhere. It got to a point I was hearing rumours about myself that weren’t even true or I didn’t know these people. I dealt with this for years of my life. I’ve recently gotten pregnant with my current partner, it is all I’ve wanted a child. As I was told at 15 I had PCOS and had never fallen pregnant until now, im 27. I was convinced I couldn’t have babies. But these rumours and names have stuck and today in a fight with my partner he called me these names he called me a hoe, a slag and so on. Told me I’m only good for a fuck, it’s what guys see and want and so on. This has really broken my confidence to be a mother, im so ashamed of it all especially since he knows what I went through. I’m now starting to think I’m not good enough to be a mother to my baby and I don’t deserve it because I have started to believe I am those things. I don’t know how to cope with all this pressure, I went from feeling like I would be a great mom to feeling like I don’t deserve to have this baby and I just don’t know what to do.. I don’t have anyone to speak to, I just feel so lost..