I don't know what to do

[marvmaise]

I really don't, my partner packed up and left me with our 6 month old over a small argument, he said he isn't separating with me but needs space and went suddenly. We was both in the wrong but I took responsibility for my actions where he hasn't. He was originally getting time off work to help support me with the baby, due to mental health issues, and I feel completely lost now. I just feel like I've been constantly begging him to come back and that I'm not good enough. He even admitted that he's too stubborn to get over the argument. All I've done is cry and not slept very well and I'm really struggling he couldn't take or help with the baby last night when I was struggling hard as he was with his friends (admitting y it was late notice) but this morning I feel 10x worse

I'm so sorry you've been left in this position. You are struggling and your 'D'H is failing to support you. Do you have help in RL that you can call on? Is your baby sleeping well? If so - never mind house work at this point, focus on getting some rest/down time. Try not to focus on the toxic game playing and concentrate on your needs.

@Jammallama

I'm so sorry you've been left in this position. You are struggling and your 'D'H is failing to support you. Do you have help in RL that you can call on? Is your baby sleeping well? If so - never mind house work at this point, focus on getting some rest/down time. Try not to focus on the toxic game playing and concentrate on your needs.

I only have my elderly grandad here and that's it, I can't even reach my partner this morning to see if he can help, all I've done this morning is cry, baby isn't sleeping well either I've been up and down atleast 8 times each night as he kept waking up crying, I've just been left to it all so suddenly and blamed for everything that happened I feel so rubbish

are you getting support for your mental health. Is there any help for you locally. Home start was a great resource but I'm not sure if they still operate. Reach out to your GP and health visitor for information.

Have you got family or friends who can support you. Just having someone to talk too over a cuppa is priceless.

Sleep and rest when the baby does. Your well being is the priority.

And don't be begging and pleading with this man. Is this what a loving partner and father looks like to you? I know how hard that this. But start to get support for yourself else where and decide if this is the right relationship for you and your baby.

From you previous threads about him this is not a man you should be fighting for.

He's a cheating, abusive, horrible bastard who you yourself describe as toxic.

Please please reach out for help to someone other than him. He is absolutely NOT on your side.

@unicornsarereal72

are you getting support for your mental health. Is there any help for you locally. Home start was a great resource but I'm not sure if they still operate. Reach out to your GP and health visitor for information.

Have you got family or friends who can support you. Just having someone to talk too over a cuppa is priceless.

Sleep and rest when the baby does. Your well being is the priority.

And don't be begging and pleading with this man. Is this what a loving partner and father looks like to you? I know how hard that this. But start to get support for yourself else where and decide if this is the right relationship for you and your baby.

I'm Waiting to hear from the mental health team but I've just gotten over covid aswell so I'm quite nervous to meet up with anyone, not that I do have anyone except my grandad. It's not but it's because I slept on the sofa after an argument and didn't communicate the next day has lead to him leaving and he said I'm making him react badly and he needs space, it was such a small argument aswell, and he's saying he can't get over it and just because we have a baby he's not going to stay somewhere he's not happy, which I understand but I just feel so abandoned about everything

@velvetpeach

From you previous threads about him this is not a man you should be fighting for.

He's a cheating, abusive, horrible bastard who you yourself describe as toxic.

Please please reach out for help to someone other than him. He is absolutely NOT on your side.

But I have no one else I don't know who else can help :(((

I know it is easier said than done, but call his bluff and tell him to go.

This is not how adults conduct their relationships, we don’t take breaks (I mean other than maybe a cool off in another room for half an hour) from our partner after a row and especially not with a six month baby.

Unfortunately I suspect this will be the first time of many if you let it go.

@Aprilx

I know it is easier said than done, but call his bluff and tell him to go.

This is not how adults conduct their relationships, we don’t take breaks (I mean other than maybe a cool off in another room for half an hour) from our partner after a row and especially not with a six month baby.

Unfortunately I suspect this will be the first time of many if you let it go.

I'm really struggling to do that, because he's all I have, and I said that I don't think packing up and leaving when you have a baby is okay but he doesn't see anything wrong with it, because I did the same by sleeping on the couch. I've offered everything for him to come back so I can have some support but get nothing back other than I will come back but I need space because I'm too stubborn to let things go, and it was a very very small disagreement aswell, I just feel like I'm back to square one I was doing well with his support I could sleep properly and eat properly and have time to myself and now I feel back to square one again because a small argument has been dragged out over days now

He will remain "all you've got" and remain a bastard who treats you like shit if you remain in this relationship. He will NEVER put you or your dc first. He doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour because he doesn't care about anyone else but himself.

This behaviour and how your feeling, up and down, will continue on a loop until you realise that he is the reason you have no one else. He is an abusive emotional vampire sucking up all your emotional energy at the time you need it most. There is no energy left to "have anyone else".

You need to contact real-life help immediately- HV, Dr, woman's aid, anyone! Blow up their phones if you have to. Get support. Tell the truth. Reach out.

Because he will NEVER provide support or love for longer than it benefits him.

Sounds like he's blaming you and using your argument as an excuse to go hang out with mates. He's not supporting you or your baby and making it your fault. He's being a selfish dick. Tell him he may as well stay away.

Coping on your own will be easier than being with someone unsupportive and emotionally abusive.

This may sound like a strange suggestion to you (and to quite a few on mumsnet unfortunately), but does his Mum live near by, and if so would you trust her to look after your baby? My DDin-Law relied on my husband and me a lot when our Grandson was a baby, up until he started at school. She is a SAHM, also with mental health issues, and our son worked long hours, six days a week because they needed the money. Obviously we were really happy to help when we could (well my husband had to do all the physical help because of my disabilities, but he and our Grandson absolutely adore each other!)

Anyway, what I am struggling to say is, could you ask your in-laws for help, as you don't have any suitable relatives near by? Our son and DDin-law are divorced now, but we get on well with our DDinLaw, and of course we still help out where we can.

Apart from that, please leave him OP, he sounds horrendous. I found that once my DxH left me, so many more opportunities actually opened up to me, like organisations for single parents, even a local CoE Church offered help, and I wasn't a Church goer. But that was 30 odd years ago, so I won't give any names as they may not be relevant anymore, but I am sure that there will be others. Stay strong, you can do this 💐