Dh constantly moaning about job

[manchester86]

This will seem trivial but it's really getting me down.
Dh left the forces after serving 25 years a year ago. He's been waiting to start a new job in a similar field but due to covid the start date was pushed back a few times.
He started another job in the meantime as we have three children to provide for. At the start he loved it then it all went sour "worst job ever etc" I helped him find another job which involved us spending a few hundred pound for a course he needed and he started there. Was fine to start with then quite soon it went sour "worse job ever etc" 🙄 you can see the theme here. He's now thinking of jacking it in to look for something else even though the new job should be starting in the next month or two.
I'm so worn down with it all. I have to say he is quite a moan anyway and doesn't see the positive side of anything but it's getting to the stage now where I dread the phone call/walk through the door at the end of the day.
Everyday has always been a nightmare, all his bosses are wankers, he comes in at night and puts his head in his hands in dramatic fashion to show how bad the day has been.
I know it's a big change after leaving the forces but ffs I'm starting to wonder if he's just now cut out for hard work anymore. What do I do when the next job turns out to be the "worst job ever" as well after a few weeks.
I do work but am also a carer for one of our children so only work 16 hours so it doesn't effect my carers allowance. I work night shift as it's the best way to cover childcare when he's here so I can't take on anymore hours. I thought about swapping the claim to his name then i would take on extra hours but I can't earn the same amount he can. My plans to go back to college went up in a puff of smoke when we had a child with special needs and I was too far away from my family for help and he was away all the time with the army.
I'm torn between saying ffs just leave then all we'll live of our savings till you start the new job
Or
Ffs do you really think I enjoy going two days with next to no sleep when I'm at work. Get on with it.
It's been a tough few days settling one child back into school after the Christmas holidays and change in routine being all over the place which they don't cope well with and oldest dc is stressed getting ready for exams.
I feel like everyone just comes to me to moan

I sympathise OP. It's really tough listening to someone moaning about work every day but coming out of the forces is a massive change for him and many really struggle.

Have you tried talking to him about what his expectations are for working life outside of the forces and howrealisticthese are? Are there any support groups he can join? Does the Army not provide any transition courses or similar? Would he speak to a counsellor?

For the sake of a couple of months he needs to suck it up. I’ve got all sorts of problems going on at the moment, some with work, some with friends and family and some with my health. I don’t come home and bitch non stop to my oh about it every night. If he’s got his health, his family who loves him and a job that puts a roof over your heads and food on the table then he needs to count his blessings. It’s ok to not like your job, it’s ok to have a bit of a moan about it, it’s not ok to wallow in self pity and drag your partner down in your misery because you don’t have your dream job for a few months.

My DF and DB were both in the army and both hate/ hated work when they left. DB is particularly vocal about it and he left the army 25 years ago! I think the transition is just really hard and expectations are different.

Have you really told him how much his negativity is affecting you? You have every right to tell him you will no longer listen to this constant bitching and whinging. If he's unhappy, he needs to find a solution. Tell him you are no longer his emotional punching bag.

He needs to suck it up for a few months and tell him to limit moans to a Friday night after a 'long' week of 'the worst job ever' so he gets some opportunity to vent but you don't have to hear it every day

Does he think everyone else in the world loves their jobs? The vast majority don't but suck it up to earn for their family, free time etc

Tbh it sounds as though he could do with some counselling;I can imagine that changing jobs after 25 years is tough but a career in the forces is a way of life rather than a job and he's clearly struggling to adapt to being just a civilian isn't he?

But this is his issue to sort out;it's unfair to leave you with the worry of ensuring there's enough money coming in;you do your part by caring for the kids,bringing in additional income and you've supported your partner during his career;I should think you've done long stints on your own with the kids whilst he's been away and you're continuing to support your partner now.

Have you explained to him that him coming home and whinging at you is getting you down. Tell him to stop doing it and if he needs to whinge to whinge to a friend or family member, not you.

Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job yourself- working the hours you can, caring for kids and one with special needs. His whinging would piss me off too.

Why did he leave the forces? Is his endless moaning to you because he resents you in some way for him leaving?

Thank you everyone. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not just being a total bitch about it but the constant moaning is so draining. I've told him how much it brings me down and I'm usually really upbeat but he'll just sulk around like an unhappy puppy which is just as bad as the moaning!
I promise he's not all bad and I'm really praying once he starts the new job which has a similar structure to the army he will be a lot happier 🤞
I had thought he might need a bit professional help in adjusting to life outside the forces and also to process some things that happened when he was in that I think he's tried to bury but he's not keen 🤦‍♀️