How do I end this relationship

[peppermintteas]

I have been with my partner for over 4 years and it has had its up and downs. We don't live together and I live with my two children which are not his, but they have become pretty attached to him as he has to them. I feel like the relationship has run it's course and I don't see a future with him that he does want. I feel lots of pressure to live with him, get married and have kids and I want all of those things, but I know it's not with him. I feel I should just be single for a while and find out who I am on my own, as I've never been single for long. I have worked on myself so much the past year and so proud of what I have managed, but he very much has no ambition and I just don't find him attractive anymore and feel he is always trying to sabotage what I am working towards. The problem is when I did end things last year he tried to kill himself. I worry about his mental health and the fact he has PTSD.

I am resisting the urge to text back and I know I can do it this time. His messages are not so nice now and it's also saying anything to get pity, but I won't take the bait.

You aren't married, you don't live together, and you don't share kids. You can end this shit with a text if you want to. You owe him absolutely nothing.

The fact his messages are not nice now show how he really feels. Perhaps nice until you defy him.

You don’t deserve to be coerced, bullied etc. Read The Dominator, a fabulous book associated with the Freedom Program. You will see him described on every page and it will help you understand his abusive behaviour.

Good luck, please don’t go back, you will be so much happier if you don’t

Do not text him back

In fact block him - that way you don't have to read his abusive bullshit

Well done - you've done the right thing for you and your children

I've woken up to lots of messages hinting that mentally he has nothing to live for. I've sent a message saying I am sorry but I can't help and to seek medical advise. I've said not to message me again and have now blocked him. I've signed up to the freedom program online and have started to read it as I'm not busy at work yet. I feel so drained

Well done op.
Every day you will get stronger and l bet already you feel like a massive weight has been lifted.
Keep looking forwards xx

You have done the right thing. He was trying to guilt/pressure you.

Remember nobody should be in a relationship becuase someone else guilted them into being there. I know it’s hard I have been in your shoes but I can’t tell you how good it is now to be free of that dread/weight on my shoulders of dealing with someone who behaves this way.

Well done and best wishes for a future without this tiresome whinyarse in it. It will soon start feeling as though a great weight has lifted.

Well done OP, you are being so strong.

Amazing that you have e blocked him... Great step forward.

It will get easier, I promise.

You are doing great @peppermintteas.
When i split from my ex he used to threaten suicide, to start with I used to message him and we'd 'discuss' everything for hours, I then realised the emotional abuse was continuing by doing this so if he text to say he wanted to kill himself I'd just repeatedly text back that he should call the samaritans.

He did make 3 half hearted suicide attempts but they were his doing and I don't feel guilty.

If he manages to contact you again, don't reply, but contact the Police, tell them he has PTSD and a previous suicide attempt and ask them to carry out a welfare check.

I have had a very long message from him once a day saying he's sorry and asking lots of questions and I can see there is some manipulation in there and he's trying to make me feel guilty. I've also had a email saying goodbye last night. So far he's been ok and not nasty of threatening suicide. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt so far and not going to get a non molestation order yet, but if it does start getting nasty or he threatens suicide I will report to the police and apply for a non molestation order. I spoke to someone at the idva service and they have said I am low risk from him, so it doesn't look like I'll get support from them. I feel so drained from this week, but I have stayed busy and focused.

The once a day thing is weird. I hope you’re not replying

I had a weirdo hanger on once, would send a single ‘thinking about you’ at same time every day

Never reply.

My husband had PTSD due to his work. He never has manipulated me, especially for sex.

I called up the IDVA service last week and they called me back today after chasing and they've said I'm low risk and won't be able to support me. I've had 12 messages today alone from him. I have no replied to one.