Looking for some advice

[Appd]

So I have two children and my eldest sons dad passed away over 2 years ago now while I was pregnant with my youngest with my current partner. I’m still with the father and he has practically raised my eldest but it’s been a rocky relationship between us. My eldest sons birthday is coming up and I asked him how we was cutting the costs (he said he would contribute) and it turned into an argument because he said he would pay the £60 for the hall because my sons family should contribute towards the rest of the party. I’m hiring entertainment etc. He then turned around and said that if it was our sons party he would be paying for all of it because he’s his son 🙃 I understand where he’s coming from about the family contributing (which one member has offered to) but I just feel like it’s me and my son and him and our son and just a constant battle and hearing him say “he’s not my son” in these situations is really starting to get to me 😓 I feel like I’m over reacting but I don’t know 🤦‍♀️ My head is always scrambled after situations like these and just looking for some advice 😕

Doesn’t sound like he’s practically raised him as his own if he’s constantly saying “he’s not my son”. Poor kid. Bad enough to have these divisions in blended families where two children live together all the time, but the fact that his dad isn’t around anymore makes it even worse as your DP is the only father figure he knows now. This really isn’t ok and will lead to divisions between your 2 sons as they grow up too.

Do them both a favour and prioritise their relationship with each other, as this guy clearly isn’t that great if you’re always falling out anyway.

when i met my partner she already had 2 children from a previous relationship, we went on to have a daughter of our own. Their dad lived a few minutes away and stayed in touch with them while they were children and paid regular maintenance until they left school. However i made a commitment to my wife and the children that they would all be treated the same. Same opportunities, same chance to go places, and the same emotional support. 30 years later, all three have been supported through Uni, we moved about a bit due to work but settled approx 100 miles away from original location. All three children live within 4 miles of us. The two eludes have nothing to do with their dad, but are in regular contact with me, asking for help, advice and support and it's there for them 24 hours a day. That is what raising children is about, not petty squabbling over paying for the hire of a hall and arguing over which side of the family does what. He is not treating them all equally. This can only end badly.