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Original poster

Complete first world problem but my friend keeps copying me!

29 replies

93sdb · 05/01/2022 22:05

I know I'm being a bit of a kid but its starting to annoy me and I don't want to upset her but how do I tell her to stop?!

Me and my partner have been renovating a house for nearly 2 years. We have absolutely gutted and redesigned the house and I've styled it in my own little way and Im really proud of it and honestly..
cant wait to show it off when the time is right.

We've just moved in and have had my best friend and her partner around about 2 weeks ago. I went over to hers today to drop something off and she has almost the same fridge (said she couldn't find mine online) and has asked me to help (pretty much teach her to and do) paint her kitchen cabinets. The EXACT same colour as mine. She's bought the paint and everything.

In the past I've picked wallpaper out for myself, showed it her and its ended up on her bedroom wall 🙈. I thought it was a coincidence but probably not!

She has also asked me where my floor is from and how much it was etc. Then asked if my partner can fit a carpet, showed me a picture and it is very very similar to mine 😂 I know I'm being a bit pathetic but we worked really hard on this house and the colours and styles and want to show it off to our mutual friends but she's already organised for them all to hers at the weekend to see her new kitchen..

How do you stop people copying you without upsetting them? I know its a form of flattery but I rather she hated my house 🙈

OP posts:
Calamitydrayne · 05/01/2022 22:14

If you were to explore this a little more deeply, does it really matter in the greater scheme of things? There are far greater things in life to be getting irked about. Unless you copyright an idea it's open to anyone.

RedGrapevine · 05/01/2022 22:16

I had a friend like this she would always take photos of stuff at my house and go and get the same !

She was great , I think we just had similar taste ! I often found myself doing the same to her after a while. I really miss her 😞

MsWalterMitty · 05/01/2022 22:16

But weird that you design your house in order to show it off to others

MsWalterMitty · 05/01/2022 22:17

And then not want people copying

NatriumChloride · 05/01/2022 22:21

I’d try to overlook this too and get on with your own house.

Howshouldibehave · 05/01/2022 22:21

but she's already organised for them all to hers at the weekend to see her new kitchen

If she’s only just bought the paint and needs you to help her do it, it’s certainly not going to be done by the weekend!

I’d call her out on it and wouldn’t help her with her cupboards either. I can’t imagine a proper friend of mine doing this.

RantyAunty · 05/01/2022 22:23

You'll find hundreds of people will have done your same style.

Trends come and go.
One year people will all install the same colour appliances, another exact same wall colours, feature wall, no feature wall, dark cabinets, open cabinets, etc.

Original poster
93sdb · 05/01/2022 22:24

Im very into interior design what can I say @MsWalterMitty. And yeah I guess I do want people to walk round and be wowed by it.. I did put a lot of time and effort into it and love it! Happy for people to go oh nice effect or nice plant or whatever and take the idea but to have absolutely everything from the floor to ceiling be copied is a bit extreme.

Red grapevine shes an ace friend and I love her dearly :) just don't want an identical house haha

OP posts:
Dancingsmile · 05/01/2022 22:30

I think you're over sharing so opening yourself up to be copied.
Why show her your bedroom wall paper ? Don't talk about wall paper, paint colours , where you bought stuff. Be vague about it.
The problem I feel is you talk about it as it is so important to you and its exciting to you, but you're selling it it sounds amazing by doing this making her want it too.

sunlight81 · 05/01/2022 22:47

Totally agree with the PP. when u talk about it enthusiastically you're selling her the dream. It makes you happy so she want in on it too.

Either don't over share your plans or help her pick out her own style. Ask if she wants help creating her own unique look (that u can ensure is different to urs!)

2022janey · 05/01/2022 22:53

Some people are rubbish at getting the vision and others create it effortlessly. I agree blatant copying is a bit odd but perhaps she struggles to find her own inspiration. Why don't you suggest some alternatives to help her have something stylish but different to yours? Its not worth falling out over. Be flattered

Howshouldibehave · 05/01/2022 22:55

I agree-stop showing them any more bits you’ve done.

If she’s asking for you or DH to do stuff like lay carpets/paint cupboards-say you’re too busy or you spend every spare minute on your own house so don’t fancy doing anyone else’s. They can diy or get someone in.

Original poster
93sdb · 05/01/2022 22:58

Yeah you're so right about showing her things. I'll definitely be more vague in the future! I'll also try help her with her house

Thanks all xx

OP posts:
Cattitudes · 05/01/2022 23:03

Maybe raise questions about whether the light in her kitchen would suit that colour etc.

Cattitudes · 05/01/2022 23:05

Something like, oh you're so lucky having a bright westerly light / sky light / those spot lights, don't you think x would complement it more than lovely colour I just used?

AnotherSillawithanS · 06/01/2022 09:14

I had a friend like this, it drove me nuts.

She even got pregnant after me and admitted it was because she didn't want to be fat on her own.

She died her hair brown, copied my baby names.......it was none stop.

I'd do something and I'd get a pic from her of same thing.

In the end I told her I was getting my children's names tattooed on my feet and guess what.....

Now she's walking around with her kids names on her feet and I'm not.

gobbledygoook · 06/01/2022 09:21

Annoying but also complimentary!

She might just have no idea what would work in her house and loves your style so takes the easy option. I've had this happen to me with multiple (handmade!) bits of furniture / colour schemes etc.

If you have the energy, it might be worth next time she mentions something like the colour / carpet / furniture, distract her with "oh yes that works in my house because of x y z, but in your space do you know what would look amazing insert alternative item / colour / style here that would really make better use of the space / light / feature" and gently steer her into her own style?

NameChangeCity123 · 06/01/2022 09:25

I have this exact same situation with my friend. People will mean well when they say it's a compliment etc but it's just so bloody frustrating when you've put time and energy into making something lovely for someone else to come along and just copy it. I completely get your frustration

GreenWheat · 06/01/2022 09:32

I agree this is annoying. It's not the same as just "other people" having a very similar style, it's a good friend waiting for you to do all the work and then lifting it almost exactly. Could you try some "advice" such as "Well we have X colour because this is a North facing room, but you probably wouldn't want that in your south facing one". Also be vague about where things are from "Oh, I can't remember which one it was in the end, I looked through so many". Or even " I got this one but wouldn't recommend it, it's actually harder to clean than I thought".

NameChangeCity123 · 06/01/2022 09:34

@AnotherSillawithanS

I had a friend like this, it drove me nuts.

She even got pregnant after me and admitted it was because she didn't want to be fat on her own.

She died her hair brown, copied my baby names.......it was none stop.

I'd do something and I'd get a pic from her of same thing.

In the end I told her I was getting my children's names tattooed on my feet and guess what.....

Now she's walking around with her kids names on her feet and I'm not.

GrinGrinGrin you evil genius
I0NA · 06/01/2022 09:39

Are you sure she’s copying you ? Perhaps you are both following the same trends.

Are your kitchen cabinets white, grey, sage or navy? Because that’s what most people’s are this year.

Is your flooring black, white or grey ? Or herringbone effect wood? Ditto.

Is your carpet grey like everyone else’s ?

TinaYouFatLard · 06/01/2022 09:42

If you have a bit of a flair for design, could you suggest things that you think would be great in her house? Use lighting etc as reasons for suggesting different to yours.

slothbyday · 06/01/2022 10:03

Maybe start making suggestions of things that would work in her house/room etc - oh no I don't think that colour would work in this lighting as well, what about this instead.

slothbyday · 06/01/2022 10:04

Sorry! Hadn't read full thread and now I've copied the previous poster 😂

KirstenBlest · 06/01/2022 12:42

Now she's walking around with her kids names on her feet and I'm not.

You need to get it done @AnotherSillawithanS, it's so easy to forget what your children are called

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