Hi,
Really after some sort of advice. I've been feeling lost now for a while in regards to my relationship. We've been together for 7 years and have one child together. The first two years were fine but a few months after my child was born I found out he had cheated on my the year before. The messages were of him showing off to his mate saying he slept with her, rating it out of 10 etc. He swears blind to this day he didn't sleep with her just kissed her but I feel like he did. The problems began there as there was literally 0 trust. We broke up for around 3 months before getting back together again. He smoked weed and I asked him to stop multiple times whilst pregnant to which he said he had (then found out he hadn't) this sharade went on for literal YEARS. It only just stopped last year. So continous lies there making me feel crazy even though i knew he had done it but swears blind he hasn't to the point I question what I know. Anyways, fast forward through years of me trying to get him to stop smoking weed to find a decent job etc. (Btw I just want to say i have nothing against people who smoke weed but in this personal situation it was costing a fortune and he didn't have a job that could support both habit and family.) So anyways we split up for what I believed to be the final time I was literally so sick of the same shit day in day out. We were broken up around 3 months. I began to see someone else and he found out and made me feel like literal shit for it because it had been so soon after the break up. I then find out he slept with some girl anyway and LIED again about it. Anyways all comes clear and he threatens to expose a secret about me then he threatens to kill himself etc. So I said ok just get the decent job stop smoking weed and we will go from there. So he gets the decent job the job requires drug testinh so fairly certain he did stop but not 100 percent as still exhibitted shady behaviour. By this point I was not 100 percent into the relationship like even though he had done it all finally it just felt like too little too late but I muddled on anyway because I think it was worth a shot for the sake of child. He has quit this job last month. Shady with the phone literally freaked out because I went on it so Im fairly certain hes up to no good god knows what weed again probably. But I just feel like I just don't like him anymore and haven't for a while. 9 times out of 10 he repulses me. I'm not even sure why I'm with him. I thought I'd managed to get rid of him the other week but he comes back and acts as if everything is normal/okay. I feel like the only way I'm going to be able to get rid of him is to have a full on screaming match which i really can not be bothered with!! I don't know... family tell me that I should be grateful hes a nice boy and stay with him because its hard to find decent men and ones you can mould from being young etc. That i shouldnt let another girl reap the rewards of what ive done for him e.g. driving and up to press good job. Part of me thinks maybe they are right I mesn i really wouldnt want to go from bad to worse. He's not bad as such never hit me and we can get on fine but Im bored of what he has to say as well. I just keep thinking about those three months last year having my own space my own mess to clean up. A guarenteed break night each week (bad mum alert I know). My own space. I don't know what I'm even asking here I'm just really unhappy at the moment and needed to get it off my chest :(