Did anyone settle for a nice, safe partner/relationship?

[TinaTurning]

Not entirely sure how I want to word this, but I'll give a go. I have been single for a number of years after leaving an abusive relationship and spending a lot of time focusing on myself and daughter. Have met someone from OLD, he is a bit older, divorced (amicable) no kids.
He is really nice.. but I suppose what I am trying to say is he doesn't IGNITE the passion in me, not that there is any passion to ignite, but I don't look at him and feel pwhoar.
However, I do know if we progress that I will have nice life with him, I could see him taking on my daughter as his own in the far future, he is always interested when I talk about her and her little quirks etc.
I just feel like because my previous relationship was so horrific with my daughters father that nice and safe is probably what I NEED as oppose to what I actually WANT - especially as I get older.
Just wondering how many of you settled for a nice, safe relationship/partner and has your relationship survived.

How long have you been seeing him?

I am very much against 'settling' but sometimes the passion doesn't hit you right away. If you haven't been hanging out long, I would give it more time and see.

I settled because I was in the last chance saloon. I did have two children or three of you count my partner.

He never set me on fire but I wanted to settle down and I got to do that. I'm kind of stuck now though. If you do settle, make sure you are always financially independent, have your own place and be able to leave if you need.

You'll be bored shitless soon enough and have to upsticks to resettle again. Just cut out that middle bit and save your sanity.
Your prince is out there somewhere. Not this time though it seems no matter what the bank account says.

It's not really fair on the other person if you 'settle' for them.
Is there any element of pretending going on where you're making out (to him) that you're more into him than you are?

I could see him taking on my daughter as his own in the far future, he is always interested when I talk about her and her little quirks etc.
That's meaningless unfortunately. Nearly all men will be like that when trying to get closer to the mother. Even the bad ones who pay no attention to their own kids!

He told me his ex had an affair and checked out of the marriage so I suspect she may have felt the same as I do. Another big assumption, kind of a worrying one really...he's that boring and safe that you suspect that might be why his ex cheated on him?

I found after being in an abusive relationship, I didn't have that passion feeling. I had it once after and he was also an abusive POS.
When I met my now husband (OLD) I didn't have those "phwoar" feelings, I found him attractive, I found him really funny, we got on really really well and could talk for hours. We do have passion in our marriage, and are deeply in love with each other, but for me I find that's built over time and with trust.
Maybe think about it in terms of longevity, whether you could see the relationship working, whether you could see yourself waking up to him every morning and having coffee and talking to him every day?
Post abuse especially, the wild passion that people expect doesn't always happen but that doesn't mean you'd be settling or that he's not right. Only you know if you're settling

What's wrong with remaining single? There's absolutely no NEED to have a relationship at all perfectly possible to be happily single

How long since you got out of the abusive relationship?

How old is your dd?

Settling not fair on him either, stops him finding someone who does find them "phwoar"

Also, OP don't assume he's not picking up on the vibes. If he can, there's a chance he may be playing "MissRightNow", which isn't healthy for you either and can backfire when he suddenly departs ...

I guess it depends on what ‘settling’ means and how much emphasis you put on ‘phoar’. Like others say sometimes that can develop but if you see yourself as settling from the outset it’s not the best.

I do know people who haven’t settled and remain single but their expectations are so high that I don’t think the person of their dreams exists and if they did they wouldn’t be compatible with them. In their cases for them to find a relationship it’d be a case of being realistic than settling.

I would agree with Graphista that there s nothing wrong in being single. If you had an abusive relationship in the past it takes time to get over this and perhaps some counseling could help you now.
You mentioned that you met him through old and that he is older than you, divorced and has no children.
I don't think it fair to settle with someone because they tick X number of boxes.

He deserves to be with a woman who thinks he is wonderful and you deserve to be with a man who thinks thinks the same about you. You have not only to consider yourself here but your children also.

Do not rip someone off and deny them of anything less than they deserve just so you can have a cushy life.

That is so selfish.