Am I in the wrong here?

[marvmaise]

I’m not sure if this is going to be too long but I need help knowing if I’m In the wrong. My partner constantly pesters me for sex related things, that I never receive back. Last night I thought I’d surprise him. But it was pretty much all one sided. Then when it got round to it being just about me, he was nodding off and falling asleep, I told him not to worry just do it tommorow, he said he wasn’t falling asleep but thinking about his dead dog?! Which was a lie completely. Then he said well atleast I made you ‘finish’ which he didn’t and try to convince me that I had. Then he completely rolled over without any after care ect and went to sleep. I decided that I was going to go to the couch because I felt so hurt by this. I’m very big on after care. Now he woke up at 6am saying I’m so immature for sleeping on the couch and he’s hardly speaking to me. Am I in the wrong for not wanting to sleep next to him after all of that?! I really did feel hurt

I don't think I could be bothered to have sex if there wasnt an orgasm in it for me. What would be the point?

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

I don't think I could be bothered to have sex if there wasnt an orgasm in it for me. What would be the point?

That's not how it is all the time, but things like oral sex is very rare for me when he pesters me for it all the time. I'm just very upset that he was nodding off and then blamed it on thinking about a dead dog which made me feel even worse. I just really needed to be on my own after that.

Sounds like strange dynamics between you two.
I don’t think it’s about wrong or right here -
what’s more important is that you aren’t happy with your physical relationship and feel he isn’t willing to do give you what you need. And he isn’t listening when you tell him.
What is the point of this relationship then?

@MMmomDD

Sounds like strange dynamics between you two. I don’t think it’s about wrong or right here - what’s more important is that you aren’t happy with your physical relationship and feel he isn’t willing to do give you what you need. And he isn’t listening when you tell him. What is the point of this relationship then?

I've literally got no idea, everything seems happy until it comes to sexual things. I'm just so tired of giving and getting pestered or if I fall asleep after a long day before doing something he gets annoyed ect I don't have a sex drive as it is for some reason anyways. And there's no point trying to talk about things with him because he always believes he's right and everyone else is wrong.

If at any time during the proceedings of sex my dh mentioned a dead dog I would be packing his bags....

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

If at any time during the proceedings of sex my dh mentioned a dead dog I would be packing his bags....

It made me feel so hurt but I know he was just making an excuse for falling asleep twice. I'd much just rather him say I'm too tired to return the favour can I do it in the morning. Not I'm not falling asleep I'm thinking about my dead dog.

Him being a sex pest should be the main reason you Ltb. He has no respect or regard for you at all.

Thinking about his dead dog
Jesus wept

If he's too tired to return the favour he's too tired to receive the favour!

Why do you accept him pestering you for sex? You say it like it's a normal thing in relationships. It's not.

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Him being a sex pest should be the main reason you Ltb. He has no respect or regard for you at all.

Certainly rarely feels like he does.

He sounds awful, I would seriously be considering leaving him, pestering for sex is horrible .

@Georgeskitchen

Thinking about his dead dog Jesus wept

Yeah wasn't very nice to hear

Honey if your sex life is this bad (and it's not you, it's him) why are you still with him??

@girlmom21

If he's too tired to return the favour he's too tired to receive the favour!

That's why he usually gets things first

Just no. If he's 1. pestering for sex and 2. has no interest in your pleasure in return he should be out that door pronto.

The fact he isn't giving you what you want/need sexually is probably a large part of the reason you have no sex drive. He's not making you feel wanted because it's all about him. My sex drive dropped off a cliff with my ex and it only returned a few months after we split (with a vengeance lol)

Honestly, leave him, it sounds like you'd be much happier.

This man is being sexually coercive.
Your sexual habits have probably developed over a long period of time - He gets sex when he wants it - because you "give in" but he doesn't view your enjoyment as being as important as his. - he's got into the mindset that s ok to receive - and not to return IYSWIM.
Believe me that is NOT ok.

You need to have a serious chat with him. If this continues you will just resent him and begin to dred having sex. Don't let yourself get into that situation.

It is not normal for a man to be pestering for sex all the time.

This man has no regard for you and is sexually coercive.

Leave him, he's a sex pest who doesn't respect you

He’s sounds very immature/selfish, sexually. You’re there to please him but he can’t be arsed to please you?

“Then he said well atleast I made you ‘finish’ which he didn’t and try to convince me that I had.“

WTAF????? I think my answer to that would have been “No, you didn’t make me finish. But WE are. Goodbye” and I would have got up and walked out.

Seriously though, have you both talked about this outside the bedroom? Even as I wrote that sentence I thought “probably little point, as he’ll deny anything and turn it round on you being at fault”.

An excellent example of Gaslighting, if you ask me.

And no, you’re not in the wrong. Your hurt feelings are your boundaries and self-esteem talking. Listen to them.